“Congratulations.
I spent half of my life hating who I was. Who I wanted to be. And who I would be. You took everything I was and you broke it.
Because of you, I second guess every decision I make.
I doubt every loyal relationship and trust very few people.
Because of you, I never believe I am good enough and will never be worthy of love.
Because of you, I am afraid to breathe.
And because of you, I am now broken.”
I was 17 years old when I wrote those words down on an old receipt and threw it into an old notebook. Now, I am a week away from my 21st birthday and I still feel as though pieces of myself are missing.
According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, a bully is a person who is habitually cruel to others who are weaker. But I guarantee if I were to ask every, single person what a bully looks like to them, they would have their own definition. They would instantly have an image pop into their mind of what a bully is, just like I do. And how messed up is that? That each of us has our own image of a bully. I cannot fathom why a person can enjoy hurting someone else? How can they intentionally want to break another person? But because of our bullies, I’m taking a stand.
My bully was a loved one who made me feel unworthy of love and acceptance and girls who tried to break me. The ones that still cause me to second guess my outfits, wondering if they will tease my choice, and who cause me to watch everything I say knowing they'll give an arrogant remark in return. The ones who have no idea how their words have affected me and broke me. But I know and I remember. I remember it all.
I remember the first time I went home after to school to cry in my room.
I remember the first time I prayed to God asking for a friend who would always be there.
I remember the first time I let them take a piece of me.
I remember the first time I thought about how the world would be better off without me.
And I remember the moments when I didn’t want to live anymore.
When I began writing this article, I wanted to tell you about my personal experiences with bullying and how it affected me. But as I began writing, I couldn't help thinking about all the others just like me who have been bullied and may not have ever had a chance to speak out about it. So I reached out to social media asking if anyone wanted to share their stories with me and asked them three questions: how did the bullying start, how did it make them feel, and was there a lesson they learned from the experience. I quickly started getting responses from people who wanted their story shared and I was blown away. We all know that bullying is a problem in our country, but I don't think any of us can realistically comprehend just how many different kinds of bullying there is. I mean, just take a few minutes to think about what a bully looked like to you in elementary school, middle school and high school. In elementary school I pictured a big kid pushing a little kid down and laughing. In middle school I pictured mean girls who pretended to be my friends. And in high school I pictured the girls who started nasty rumors about me. But that's not what all of you pictured. Not everyone's bully was a family member who made them feel unworthy of love or girls who told the kids at school that you were pregnant. Bullying comes in all shapes and sizes and it needs to end.
Victoria, middle school student
How did the bullying start?
I was in kindergarten. It started about halfway through the year when a girl was picking on one of my few friends for being short, or anything that got to her- I hated it and instantly stepped in telling her to back off- shocked that a child I had previously called my friend could be so cold. It was never the same after that, she was never very kind to me anymore and seemed to radiate with hatred when I came close, I guess I just didn't realize it. Us keeping our space was broken when she said I had to give her my next week's milk money. I foolishly, wanting to be friends with her gave up my lunch money for a week at a time when we broke up as friends. In first grade, it was toys and special items instead. Second and Third grade, my parents made a move to keep her away from me by separating us in classes and so on. Fourth grade was horrible, the bully went from payments for friendship to false accusations and tearing me of my confidence by taking my friends from me, turning even our teacher on me, And calling me the most terrible things a kid their age could think of. And the more it was said the more it got to me. Fifth grade, I had friends to help me with this person. Sixth grade on there was no more of that.
How did it make you feel?
It made me distressed, sad, uncomfortable, and unsafe. I also felt guilty and unhappy for them. They grew up with a pretty bad start and saw I had everything a kid could want and were probably jealous- I wish I could have helped them because maybe life would be better now for both of us if someone good had been there.
Did you learn anything from the bullying?
Help comes to those that ask. We are blessed to not have to live in a world that relies on survival of the fittest, and can rely on others to help us always. Being the bigger person will make you happier in the end. That end might not be near but it is there, and it will be worth it. Keeping your reputation clean and good helps show who the good guy usually is. Retaliation isn't worth it, it gets no gold medal, it isn't cool, it isn't heroic. Stand up for the good, but then walk away. It isn't worth the fight or the aftermath.
What makes her feel strong? She is now a black belt.
Abby, college student
How did the bullying start?
It started randomly one night. I was lying in bed when my phone started exploding with text messages. Things I didn't want to hear or see, hurtful things. Seriously scary stuff. That's when I discovered my information was put on a porn site.
How did it make you feel?
It scared me. When it happened, the police couldn't help me. I was in tears because I felt so unsafe. I was scared to go to school, scared to go outside, scared every time my phone vibrated. My address was posted on the website, so I began to keep the blinds drawn to my bedroom. I always felt like someone was watching me. Although it happened 7 years ago, I'm still scared to this day. I position myself in restaurants so my back is exposed to the least amount of people. I always look behind me when I'm walking. I keep the blinds closed to my bedroom still. If my phone vibrates with a text and I don't have the number saved in my phone, I panic because I think it's happening again. I still feel like somebody is always watching me. The whole thing removed my safety and sense of security.
Was there a lesson you learned?
I learned to keep my Facebook friends limited to only people I know personally and not to trust everyone. My address and phone number had not been on Facebook when this happened, so this was somebody that I knew personally. I also learned that this can happen to anyone. You don't think something like this could ever happen to you, but it happened to me and it's terrifying.
Abby's cheer team won Overall US National Champions
Mitchell, middle school student
How did the bullying start?
It started when I didn't have any of my friends in my classes so I was a loner. The quiet, fat kid.
How did it make you feel?
It made me feel worthless like I didn't matter to anyone if I left then they would be happy. They say sorry now and think it's fine, but the scars do not leave or fade away from the heart.
Was there a lesson you learned?
It taught me that if a kid is lonely, it's not because they don't like people, it's that they are the most vulnerable with no one to protect them. So we should.
Mitchell finds strength in his faith.
Sesa, college student
How did the bullying start?
I was in kindergarten when it first started. I went to a small school so everyone knew everyone and everything. I was friends with a group of girls all through elementary school but I was always their target. Going to a small school, you don't have many people to choose from. The older I got, the worse the bullying got. In fifth grade, I started seeing a counselor because the school refused to do anything about it. Until seventh grade, I was the target of making fun of, rumors being spread about, and the days of going home after school and crying in my bed. I ended up having to move schools because I couldn't take it anymore.
How did it affect you?
It affected me negatively at first because I was made fun of for my body shape since I developed quicker than most girls and a lot of it was based on jealousy but I couldn't see that until a few years ago. Being the victim of bullying has influenced my life in more ways than most realize. It took me six years to feel confident again and forgive. Throughout the years, I have grown to become so positive and loving towards every person.
Was there a lesson you learned?
Being the victim of bullying has taught me that it's not fun being the laughing joke but that I have people that DO care and that I am enough. There are so many bullies that are getting away with it. With all the campaigns and help groups, it is my hope that bullying comes to an end in schools, workplaces and around the world.
"Growing up, I didn't know if I would make it to see the first day of college. At times I didn't want to live because of the aftermath of being bullied but here I am pictured on the first day of my freshman year of college at an amazing school. Some days I didn't want to live, some days I couldn't wait to get out of bed and take on the world. It gets better, I promise."
Marissa, college student
How did the bullying start?
I was in 4th grade. It had become less about girls vs. boys and more about cliques. A few of the boys asked me why my eyes were "slanty" and I said it's because I'm Asian. They asked if I was Chinese, and I said no, I'm Korean. They thought it'd be funny to call me "Chinese" because it made me mad since they knew I was Korean. As they said it, they pulled back the sides of their eyes to make them "slanty." Then it kind of evolved into this weekly thing of them teasing me at recess. But a few of them knew other derogatory terms, like "chink."
How did it make you feel ?
It made me mad a lot when I was little, but it was hard growing up in a small rural community being the only Asian one. I hadn't been teased really once I got to high school, but all through puberty I had recurring thoughts wishing that I was Caucasian. The Caucasian girls were prettier to me. They got the most attention from boys, they were taller, and they had two eyelids. This would seem normal to other people, but my eyelids are called "mono-lids", meaning I only have one lid. I had always wished I had bigger eyes so I looked more Caucasian, which is actually a thing now where Asians get eyelid surgery to look more western.
Was there a lesson you learned?
Honestly self-love and accepting how different you look is something I'm still working on. If anything, it's taught me that racial slurs or any bullying based on ethnicity is a cop out. It's easy to make fun of someone's physical features. It's harder to judge someone after you've really gotten to know them. And that's something I see that's still an issue with bullying in adulthood and throughout life. Ultimately, I take comfort in the fact that we're all unique, inside and out!
Me. Maddie, college student
How did my bullying start?
I honestly don’t know when exactly it started, but I remember being in eighth grade when I started realizing what was happening and how quickly I was breaking. I remember going home crying in my room wondering why nothing I ever did was good enough. Thinking I would never be good enough for his love when all I wanted was to be loved. Then I remember starting high school and having terrible rumors being spread about me and having teachers ask me if they were true.
How did it make me feel?
Alone. Lonely. Angry. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't good enough or why my "friends" would be the ones starting rumors about me. I stopped eating. I started taking pills to numb the pain and to make myself throw up and then I started cutting because I hit the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't want to live.
Was there a lesson I learned?
I learned to never judge others because we have no idea what they are going through. And to ask for help when you need it. I never told anyone what I was going through until I had been harming myself for years and couldn't stay quiet any longer. I learned that I could stand up for myself and others who are also struggling. And that I AM strong and worthy of love.
I find strength here. I was able to go to Greece, to different Gypsy camps, where I was able to show love and kindness to kids who have so little. A few years ago I didn't think I'd even be alive, and now today I am able to share my story with you.
Every week I get to write an article about anything I want. I have the opportunity to tell my personal experiences of heartbreak and happiness. But these stories I shared were not only my own. These victims of bullying allowed me to be their voice so I could give an insight into what others are going through. Bullying isn't just about taking someone's lunch money on the playground. It's in making fun of someone for being Asian, being curvier than other girls, for having two moms, for being quiet, for being DIFFERENT. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." That's a crock. More often than not, the hurtful words of others can break us much easier than physical pain. Physical pain heals, emotional pain can take much longer; our society needs to realize and remember that. Bullying is in the words we say and the actions we take. And it is our duty as human beings to stand up for one another, to build each other up not tear each other down. Only together can we end bullying.
