Dear Kay,
It is weird, you know? Friendship works in an odd way. We choose a human and decide to do fun things with them like 'Oh, I like this one, I choose them." I choose you to be my human. So, thank you for being my human. A lot of people have walked into my life, and a lot of chose to stay. It is okay when they leave, it is okay because I have you in the end.
"If one day you want to cry, just call me. I can't promise I'll make you laugh, but I can cry with you. If one day you want to run away, don't be afraid, just call me. I can't promise I'll make you stop, but I can run with you. If one day you are bored, just call me. I can't promise I will entertain you, but I can tell you I am bored too. But if one day you tell me you are in love with me, I promise I will tell you I am love with you, too." - Unknown
You have this whole life in front of you. It is weird how people find one another. I am so grateful you decided to join DPhiE, I am so grateful we weirdly connected, and I am so grateful you are my life long partner. Best friends are not people you have known for periods of time, and you can have multiple best friends. We met, we hung out, and it all continued. I want to write this letter to thank you. Thank you for finding me struggling the morning after on the first floor of that house while you were in your underwear going to the bathroom. I thought to myself, "who the hell is this b*tch?" You sat in the passenger seat as that kid brought me to my dorm in my dress from the night before. From the first night of COB I pointed you out and chose you. I chose you to express my life to, to hangout with, to be boy crazy with, to cry and laugh with, to be life partners with.
It really isn't f"king fair. It sucks. The fact that we met your senior year is annoying to say the least. I have been getting so emotional over it. It's Tot and Kay, Kay and Tot. From every function, to every text, to every phone call, to every moment we have created together, it is me and you. I am still growing up. I haven't even reached 20 years old, and you recently turned 22 years old as you graduate college. You can't leave me here. I wanna experience the rest of college with you. I want to continue to ask you what happened to me after our Thursday function. I want you to get intoxicated with me on Shed Wednesdays. I need you to be there when I have no one else. I need you to pick me up when I am in a funk. I wanna sleep in your bed and cuddle and laugh at the walls and the silence. You know how you found your best friend? When you can sit in silence and it not be awkward. We can do that, but we don't sit in silence. Why would there be silence when we are laughing every second we get. We didn't get enough time, enough videos, enough pictures or enough memories. It really is unfair for you to leave me here as I go through the rest of my college experience without you. But, it is also extremely unfair that you're leaving and I am not coming with you.
"I truly believe that we can travel through this life without a romantic love, but we simply can’t exist without the love of a best friend."
I wouldn't want to share food or life with anyone else.
You have not just become my partner in this world, or best friend, but you are family to me. Sisters of DPhiE together, but sisters regardless of the letters. You are the one I need, not want. I want you to be in my life, but I need you in my life. So as I sit here listening to sad music, tearing up, I don't even want to write this article. This article of a goodbye letter is nonexistent. You are graduating and I am so proud of you, but you are not leaving, and I am not saying goodbye. B*tch, you're stuck with me whether you like it or not. I will be the single drunk girl at your wedding who crashes hardcore. I will probably be living in your house in Charlotte; you, me, and Meg.
"The words that escape a friend's mouth are "I'll be there when you say you need me" but the words that are unheard from a true friend's heart are "I'll be there.. whether you say you need me or not."" - Unknown
Can you believe I have all of this to say and more. Words can not express how upsetting this is. I can't be upset though, that's selfish. If I asked you to stay it would be unfair. You are so amazing and you have done so great and will continue when you leave. I am so so so blessed you have came into my life. Someone who gets me, and knows. Someone who is there at any second of any day. Just because you are leaving does not mean anything. We will always be best friends I want you to know that. It will always be Tot and Kay. I have been there for you while you were in love, while you were confused, while you had no idea what was going on in the world around you. While you cried for no reason, while you had psychotic moments, or even while you wanted to be a fat ass, I was there. I am here, and I will always be here. You have been there for all my boy attachments, for all my meltdowns, all my dumb jokes, and all my heartaches or moments of anxiety. I will never ever be able to thank you for being my person. In this world I am so lucky to say that Kay Duguay is my human being, you little nugget, you.
You are going to do great things Kay Duguay. You are so beautiful and so driven. You have dreams and hopes, you have the laughter and smile that everyone envies. You are so bold and confident. I envy you. You have showed me how to love. That it is okay to cry, and you are there for me when I do. You showed me every Daya song that has meaning, and I swear the Chainsmokers speak to us more than anyone in the world. You are going to be loved so much by someone one day, I promise. You deserve nothing but the best and nothing less. Take chances. It's okay to cry, it's okay to laugh, it'll be okay to travel, and be broke. Make memories for yourself Kay. Eat all the sushi and Rudy's you want. Drink all the beer and liquor you desire. Live your life up to the best you can, and remember you are the most unique Unicorn I have ever met. I love you. Thank you for staying in my life. Thank you for showing me more than anyone has in the last eight months. Thank you for being my best friend. Thanks for being you, Kay.
So, as I sit here trying to think of everything I want to say there is only one thing you will need to know from all of this. You are not allowed to say goodbye, but we are both allowed to cry. Goodbye doesn't exsist for us because if it did, at this point in my life, you would be one of the hardest goodbyes. You are not allowed to grow apart from me, because even if we arent near each other we are still close. We are allowed to remain obsessed with each other, and we are allowed to be together forever girlfriend. I know you can't forget me, so please don't. You are my best friend, and we are gonna be together for the rest of life and so on, so deal with it. Love you endlessly and more sweet cheeks. Thanks for making these few months of college ones I will never forget.
I love you,
Tot
