Hi,

Sorry we haven't spoke in awhile. When I broke it off with you, everyone told me it would be best if I didn't talk to you. And I agree, it was probably best. You were probably sad and felt broken, and seeing or hearing from me probably would've made it even worse. As the year is coming to a close I've been thinking about a lot of things. One of them, you in particular. Please don't get the wrong idea from that statement. I don't think I'll ever be in love with you ever again, but that doesn't mean I don't care about how you're doing. So this is me checking in.

I want you to know that I tried my hardest not to make it painful. I know it may not have felt that way, but I really did. It was so hard telling someone who I spent so long with that I had fallen out of love with them. Of course I still considered you a friend and still cared about you, but I couldn't emotionally stay in relationship where I wasn't happy. And I know you weren't happy either. There were times that we would laugh together and smile, but it wasn't how it used to be when we first got together. I no longer felt the butterflies and to you I was just a part of your everyday routine. We just lost what was special.

I won't use the line "It wasn't you, it was me," because neither of us were to blame. The universe works in strange ways, and there were so many signs for so long that neither of us chose to recognize. And when I finally did, I hope you know it took me all the courage in the world to tell you. I didn't want to hurt you, and I know you didn't want to hurt me either. We were both living up to some stupid expectation that was put before that we were "the perfect couple" and our friends hoped to be in relationships like ours, but we both know that wasn't true. Our relationship was becoming toxic and we both knew it even though we wouldn't admit it.

There's something you need to know though, before I end this quick letter to you: I don't regret the time we spent together. I don't want you to hate me or resent me, but if you don't want me in your life, it's okay, I understand. When we were younger we helped each other grow, and our separation is going to help each other grow more. That's one of the real reasons we had to end, we needed to finally grow on our own. It was what was best for both of us. So no matter how many times I see you post something online, a subtle tweet or a change of your Instagram bio, or my friends tell me about some nasty comment you made about me, I know it's probably cause you haven't realized it yet. I've already grown so much as a person, and hopefully you will too.

I hope you're doing well. And I hope, eventually, that you find someone who loves you as much as or even more than I did.