Dear Now Ex-Boyfriend,
I want to be straight and honest. Now that we've had months to move on and get past what happened between us, I want to let you know what really happened on my end and what was going through my head and my intentions.
1. I never meant to hurt you.
Obviously, this doesn't make anything better, but this is the honest truth. I was never trying to hurt your feelings or let you down or push you away. I genuinely care about you and I always did. Nothing I did was out of spite or anger. I was never trying to tear you down or make you feel insignificant or not up to par. I didn't ever plan on things ending between us. It was never my intention.
2. College changes people.
Every time I told you this through the fighting and the drawn-out separation, you never believed me, but I promise you it's true. You will see it one day. College is a whole new world from high school. The biggest thing that happened in your week as a senior in high school is the big rival football game. While in my world, my roommate just changed her whole life path yesterday; major, career, life plan, all of it. The level of seriousness of everyday life is a whole new degree you can't even imagine. The grades I make now will haunt me for the rest of my life. Major applications, masters degrees, law school, you don't understand how one mistake can cause catastrophic problems in my future. That is why I stressed about my grades more than I ever did in high school. That's why there was a lot of time I was too busy to talk to you. School has overtaken my life and you just didn't fit into it the same way anymore. I became a different person. My focus is in new places now. My priorities aren't the same.
3. Long distance broke my heart.
I couldn't take it. I just couldn't. I was so used to seeing you three to four days a week and while in high school. That all changed to seeing you maybe three or four hours on the weekend. It was so different and not in a good way. I wanted to see you and spend time with you, but I couldn't. I had to push you out of my mind to stay focused on things here at school. That's why we drifted apart. If I thought about you all the time and focused on missing you, it would just make me cry. I couldn't bring myself to keep going on tearing us apart every time I went back to college. It was killing me, and I knew it wasn't easy on you, either.
4. I'm sorry.
I know saying I'm sorry doesn't fix anything and it doesn't make it better, but I truly am. You were my high school sweetheart. I honestly loved you; I really did. I'm sorry I didn't make enough time for you. I didn't mean for us to fall apart. I didn't mean to break your heart and I am so, so sorry I did. I still get flashbacks, sometimes, and it hurts me so much. We had a wonderful relationship when we were in high school. We were so happy so much of the time. I was so crazy about you, and then everything just fell apart. I'm sorry I drug it out as long as I did and didn't just end things sooner. I know that by elongating the break-up I made it harder on both of us and I'm sorry. But quite honestly, I didn't want to lose you at the time. Part of me still wishes I hadn't. I'm sorry it all went so wrong.
5. It will be OK.
I know that's hard to imagine after so many issues and so many months of arguing and watching things deteriorate between us, but I promise it will. I've moved on, and I'm happy now -- most of the time. It's hard when something makes me think about you. You're my one regret. The way it all ended between us tears me up. But, I promise that you will find someone that will make you happier than I ever could. I promise you will fall in love with the girl of your dreams. If you're still hurting now, it won't last forever. The pain will fade, and so will I.
6. Thank you.
Thank you for all the wonderful time we had together. Thank you for loving me, and trusting me with your heart and your affections. Thank you for working so hard to keep us together while me and my problems were dragging us down. Thank you for letting me go when it wasn't working anymore. Thank you for memories I will never forget. Thank you for keeping my heart safe when I gave it to you. Thank you for making my last year of high school my favorite. Thank you for putting up with me and all my messes. Thank you for everything and I wish you all the best. Goodbye, Dear.
