Hey, you.

It's me — just your favorite daughter.

I went to visit you today.

This time was different from the last. It was cloudy and grey — kind of like how I was feeling.

My thoughts were jumbled, and I wished for just a little bit of sunshine. I was desperately hoping that your presence would brighten up my day just a little bit. I needed it. I need you.

I know you see me and how crushed I am. I'm sorry. I'm not a mom, so I can't say what it feels like to see my daughter broken-hearted, but I know it crushes my mom, and I know it must crush you, too. I know you don't want that for me.

But know that it's not always like that. It's hard to say which days will be. Some pass by with a simple breeze, and others consume me. Some days I am content, and although I know that you're gone, I also am grateful for you eternal, heavenly home. Other days, I'm selfish. I want you back here with me. Because if all of my selfishness could bring you back, you would have been here eleven years ago.

I talked to you today.

Of course, talking to the stormy, summer breeze is a little bit different. But for our situation, it works. I told you how I was. I caught you up on school. Told you about life, and how much I wish you could be here. You've missed a lot, and sometimes I wish I could send postcards and pictures to heaven. Because I sure have grown since you saw me last at 8 years old. You could hear my voice, but I couldn't hear yours.

I longed for you today.

I long for my father. For everything that you have missed, and for everything that I have missed. I long for your presence. I miss being able to crawl into your lap and being wrapped in your arms. I long for your voice — I don't remember it anymore and that crushes me. All I have left is videos, and whenever I want to hear your voice at least I have those. It's not the same though because the familiarity of it is gone.

I cried for you today.

God, I cried. I cried because your life was taken way too soon, and what happened to you was unfair — you didn't deserve it. You deserved to be here, to raise your two kids, and to watch them grow and flourish into adulthood. Not to leave them at such young ages.

I missed you today.

I know I don't come as often as I should, or even as often as I would like to. You have to know that it's hard for me, though. Each day without you is a new journey. It's like I have to learn to cope all over again each day. It's hard, and I don't think it will ever quit being hard. But, if there ever is a day where you find yourself missing me too, know that we are only separated temporarily. However, until then, I will keep your angel wing as my shield. Plus, I've got some exciting things in store that even heaven might want to see.

I visited you today. I talked to you today. I longed for you today. I cried for you today. I missed you today. And I wouldn't trade a second of it for the world.