My transition to James Madison University was not one I was expecting. Becoming a new member in a college community larger than my home-town created the feeling of being obsolete. I struggled to find a “family” I belonged to. I found myself constantly sitting in my room alone, doing homework; my monotonous nightly routine. I talked to my roommates, but any outside communication was seldom. I spent my time in solidarity, even when I walked Oliver, taking the loneliest path.
A few weeks in, my boyfriend urged me to branch out; he could sense my frustration. I decided to go through sorority recruitment and also apply for the student run newspaper on campus. The thought of putting myself out there and actually talking to people scared me similarly to seeing a giant spider creeping up the wall: I was nervous and sick to my stomach, but I knew it was something I needed to do.
To my surprise, I loved it. I was accepted to write for the newspaper and I also joined a great sorority, full of girls who were all welcoming and friendly. I made friends quickly, and found myself struggling to make time to actually be by myself. Oliver was a great support system, licking my face as we fell asleep after an exhausting day full of coffee and conversation. The conversation was good though; I had been yearning for conversation with friends for weeks.
One night while petting Oliver lackadaisically and simultaneously making plans for that evening, a thought entered my mind: I am actually, genuinely, purely happy. That moment was the first real time I had felt completely happy since leaving home. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and that thousand-pound weight that had been resting on my chest for weeks was lifted, and I felt free. I felt free from loneliness and sadness, solidarity and quietness, and I filled with joy and excitement and passion for life. I was no longer worried about the future or what was to come; I was simply in the moment, present.
From nursing school to journalism, my path was windy and I was lost. I was lost, that is, until I realized I didn’t need to be found. I found myself once I stopped being afraid to BE myself, and allowed myself to being perfectly imperfect. I understand, now, why “GET INVOLVED!” was the only thing drilled into your head at college tours and orientation. I am eternally grateful l for that giant push my boyfriend exerted upon me, for if it wasn’t for him, I’d still be eating popcorn on my bed, watching Gilmore Girls for the fifteenth time.
I love my life now at JMU, and I feel as if I have found my place in the world. Everything is falling into place, and I am content in my perfectly imperfect life, full of coffee and puppy kisses, study dates and meaningful conversation.
