I am a perpetual, stereotypical perfectionist. I am a “yes” person. My entire life I have strived to be everything to everyone and be the best at all of it. I aim to be perfect when it comes to my academics, athletic performance, charities I’m involved in, extracurricular activities, and even my relationships. I aim to be the perfect friend, sister, daughter, partner; whatever it is, I want to be perfect. I have been this way for as long as I can remember. This sick drive in me started when I realized that I felt good about myself when I succeeded. I gave myself instant gratification when I earned a good grade, landed a leadership position, got first in anything, or overcame something that I thought was hard. My parents never pressured me to be perfect, my friends never did, my teachers never did, no, this was all me. I created this monster in myself.

Some would say that my perfectionist tendencies are a good thing. They make me motivated, driven, relentless, but they also cause me to have a heck of a lot of issues. When I don’t live up to these unrealistic expectations that I set for my life, I find myself anxious and upset. I am constantly fighting a battle within my own mind --striving to be good enough, striving to be everything. It is absolutely exhausting.

I have tried a number of things in an effort to combat my awful obsession. I’ve written in journals, put post it notes on my mirror to remind me that I’m already more than good enough, gone to counseling, relentlessly repeated scripture, and I’ve even tried to desensitize myself to failure by purposefully failing at things. Although those remedies have helped a little bit in fixing my obsession, they never fully did the trick.

My senior year of high school, I faced a great deal of rejection on almost all fronts of my life. I was forced to let myself completely break down and dissect where my true issues lied. It was then that I realized what the issue had been all along: I didn’t value myself enough. Although I thought I loved myself best when I was succeeding, I realized that I only loved myself when I was succeeding. I had this dark cloud that followed around my self-esteem whenever I didn’t live up to my standards. It was in that time of my life that I had an epiphany: You have to love and value yourself no matter what.

I learned that my GPA, my leadership positions, my weight, the number of friends I had, the amount of money I raised for a charity, none of that had anything to do with my self-worth. I finally started to understand that my flaws and failures help to make me the person that I am. I started to convince myself that I actually was good enough without having to confirm it with a five-page resume.

Although I still struggle every single day with my desire to be perfect, I know now that perfection is unattainable. It is important to love who you are, own your mistakes, and embrace times of failure and rejection. Never convince yourself, or let others convince you, that you aren’t good enough; that you aren’t worth it. It is important to remind yourself every single day that you are more than enough.

In the end, your accomplishments and performances don’t define who you are. It is how you love others and how you love yourself that will define the legacy that you leave in the world. Be perfectly imperfect, and own every second of it. The people who truly matter will love and support you despite your shortcomings, downfalls, or failures. After all, the world would be a pretty boring place if we were all perfect.