When I mention “fifth floor walkup,” a groan is the most common response I get. When I had my sister help me move in, she wanted to kill me. When I make meal choices now, I never forget to account for the extra calories I’ll need to make it up 70 steps to go home.
But also, when I sit in my apartment, a world away from the commotion five stories below me, Serenity and Satisfaction sit with me and enjoy some tea. You, too, can have a nice little tea party. Just rent a place on the top floor of a walkup building, and you’ll enjoy all of the rewarding benefits that you deserve.
As an act of sedition against myself, I've compiled a listicle of all the great reasons you should choose to torture yourself on the daily.
1. Never be afraid of your elevator getting stuck.
Those “In case of emergency use stairs” signs and warnings? Unnecessary. You’ll always be using the stairs, which means you’ll always be a little safer every day.
2. Lower probability of being robbed.
Because who wants to climb that high? Thieves are lazy enough that they don’t want to work hard for money to buy valuables. Would they really do the walk-up? Unless you’re storing over tens of thousands of dollars in cash (not recommended), it’s likely not worthwhile in their minds. More time, more effort.
3. Lower probability of being harassed by other neighbors.
Like hearing their or footsteps or keys or conversation or obnoxious laughter as they climb up through your floor. They don’t mean to, and they can’t skip a floor. The more neighbors you have above you, the more frequently you’ll encounter cacophony. I'm sure our building gets a bunch of comments about our twoth floor.
4. Cheaper.
It’s ridiculously true, at least in my building. The range between the first and fifth floor for same square feet is. You can research your building’s stats, considering the landlord provides them, on almost any rental listing website like StreetEasy.
5. No ceiling noise.
You’ll never have to be Mr. Heckles, showing up in a bathrobe to complain to your neighbors above—because you won’t have neighbors above! Just roof (bonus if your building has rooftop access).
6. Less claustrophobia.
Because you won’t be vertically sandwiched between two other apartments, having to worry about keeping your footsteps light AND dealing with footsteps above.
7. Bonus bum workout.
Who needs the StairMaster? You may be out of breath by the time you get to your floor—imagine groceries too—but your tush will be reFINEd. This is especially true if your college campus is also up a San Francisco-style hill because then you’d get at least two workouts every day.
8. Experience a world of cooking as you embark up through all different smells.
Fat Bastard highlights this perfectly in Austin Powers in Goldmember: “You know when you go into an apartment building and you smell the other people's cooking on each floor and you go ‘What are they cookin'?’” Good or bad, it makes going home a little more interesting.
9. Sunniest, breeziest spaces.
Since you’ll be one of the top apartments, you’ll likely be unobstructed by other buildings. This allows more sunlight to penetrate your windows for longer periods at a time and more breezes to dance through. A thousand times better than garbage vapors and pedestrians peeping through your windows.
10. Views
Studies show that the higher up you go, the better views. Even the alley and all its ancient garbage look better from a height—probably because you can’t see it that well. Because you bear the struggle, it’s Tuesday Views-Day every day.
