First I must say that the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. So investing your time and energy into getting to know yourself and delving deep within a self-examining journey is key to creating great relationships.
I have been told that I am very good at giving relationship advice and many people are shocked to know how many close personal relationships I have (I have a large group of friends from all walks of life and age groups). So people ask me how do I do it? How can I keep track of every one?
My answer is simple: Connect first and foremost and come from a place of Fairness, Love, Balance, Respect and ultimately from a “treat other people the way you want to be treated”. When you come from those spaces, not only do you connect on a deeper level with the person, but you also create authenticity, honesty and clarity as well and you don’t have to “keep track” of anyone. Great relationships will just naturally come into your life with grace and purpose.
The secret to having deep and meaningful relationships is to have at the base of your relationship a foundation of self-expression and being heard. Without these, fear will rule any relationship. One of our basic innate needs as human beings is the need to be heard. We might not agree on things, but just as long as someone heard us, we feel good. This will apply to your romantic relationships and your business relationships as well, as when you are respectful, thoughtful, clear, authentic and just all around transparent, you will build long lasting and fruitful relationships with people.
Through the years I have learned to discern those who will treat me the way I expect to be treated and those who won’t. This discernment must be exercised and practiced in order to create the best relationship. Just because someone is in front of you does not mean you must enter into a relationship with them. I had to weave through and examine my past non working relationships, whether they were romantic, friendships, business related or just momentary, in order for me to figure out how to surround myself with the relationships I wanted: deep, non-judgmental, self-expressed, loving, open and caring.
Here are 3 tips for having “perfect” relationships across the board:
1. Principles:
Be very clear on your principles from which you operate and use them every time you make a decision. If you have to list them, do so. Make a list and then prioritize the top 3-5 most important principles. Mine are: Love, Compassion, Authenticity, Inspiration and Beauty.
2. Ideal Relationships:
Once you are clear on your top 3-5 principles, make a list of the types of relationships you want to have. Divide your relationships into 4 categories: Romantic, Family, Friends and Business. List the qualities of the people you want to be in relationship with in each category and then watch for those people as they come into your space. If you are one of those people who does not get along with a lot of people I suggest you look inside and see what unresolved issues these relationships might be triggering and write a list of those things along with the qualities of those relationship that you don’t want and then burn it (the list) to release it and get them out of your system.
3. Making a Shift:
Notice the people you are now meeting and check them with your principles and relationship list. You will notice a nice shift from what has been previously in your life. Continue to be aware of your principles and relationship types so that more of those you want come into your life. If you are not seeing a change, there is more inner work you must do before a shift can be made, so go back to 1 and start over. Or seek support from a coach, mentor or grounded friend, so you can create the perfect relationship with anyone!
Deep relationships are amazing and strong relationships are necessary to live a fulfilled life. Everyone you meet can fit into a relationship area and can be held to your standard of that area. You are in charge! You decide what kind of a relationship to have with the people in your life. Some you will keep closer and others at arms length, loving all where they are at including yourself! Just remember to do the 3 steps and you too can have the perfect relationship with anyone!
