I know that people make mistakes and their mistakes should not define them but it's so hard to have empathy for you who only wanted to hurt me when all I ever did was love you. I accepted you. Helped you. Weirdly, I made myself see something good in you when my Spirit didn't. When all the signs contradicted my support in you. I still wanted to see something good in you. I still wanted to believe that somewhere in you, there was the real you but you didn't want to reveal it out fear of rejection. I don't know. I'm not making any sense but that's how tried to answer the why's, even after all those days, months and years since I have spoken to you.

After you left for good, I tried to come up with all these reasons that didn't hold me at fault; hold you at fault. I blamed it on the weather, on other people. I even blamed it on God. I thought if I had someone else to blame then you would come back and apologize and want a clean slate. Lord knows I sure did. Sometimes I still do. Even though it was you who no longer wanted me apart of your life, I still hoped that you would text or call me out of the blue. Or maybe I would run into you at the grocery store and we would just talk and the apologies would roll off your tongue with ease but this time you would mean it. But it never happened.

When I finally came to the realization that I had been let go, replaced and forgotten, I prayed to God that night and asked for forgiveness and strength. I gave Him your name and I let you go. I didn't feel any different. I was still the same broken girl craving for the love of people that I never had but I took it slow. It was so hard too. I would dodge and wear disguises in public places so I wouldn't run into you and see you looking good. I would delete you and anyone that associated you so that I could forget everything about you; even the color of your eyes. I didn't want to talk about you when my family asked. I didn't even want your existence to cross my mind. Talk about healing. When I would have sleepless nights with tears, I imagined you laughing with new people who adored you. So then I would make me feel better by imagining you living your worst life and then you'll think of me and feel my pain. But I don't know if that ever happened and if it did, I hope you know that I still love you but I finally moved on.

I don't question anymore. I got tired of trying to find the answer. I got tired of waiting for you. Waiting for you to become human again and realize that you made a mistake. So when I think of you, I smile at the good times and thank God for the worst times. Even though I didn't realize it, it was Him who took my heart and sufficiently and unconditionally loved it and He still does. I don't wonder what you are doing. I don't ask about you. It's none of my business. I stopped checking up on your page when I feel down. I love myself now. I love the people in my life who love me. I even love the people who hate me. I'm not saying this to brag about my growth but I'm say this because I don't want you to feel bad once you realize your wrongdoings against me and maybe you will never realize it and that's okay too (for me). I know that in this world there are good people and bad people.

And it's up to you to decide which one you want to be. Not me.