Full Disclaimer: By no means have I perfected handling disputes. Despite being an adult, I still try to avoid confrontation like the plague. (Or laugh it off with a joke, like your typical passive aggressive grown up.)
Tip 1:
Stand your ground, but don’t be closed off to hearing the other person out. Typically, in an argument between two people, both individuals are at fault. Both parties are probably at fault for careless words and/or actions. Analyze the situation and see where you both went wrong.
Tip 2:
DO NOT ignore Step 1. It’s important to avoid heading into an argument, seeing it as a competition, or merely defending your ego. Check your ego at the door when it concerns potentially ripping up a relationship piece by piece, until all you are left with is sadness, shame, and the “pride” of winning one lousy argument. Big whoop. A week, a month, or even a year from now, and you will find yourself caring less about your ego and more concerned with all the pain you have caused the other person and yourself. Keeping this in mind will help you maintain a level head when entering any dispute.
Tip 3:
If you’ve followed the previous two steps, the argument will not lead to loud or crude words. (Mostly.) Instead, it will be surprisingly productive even if a few heated words slip through the cracks. In any disagreement, words will be muttered carelessly no matter how much of an expert debater you are. Some words become leaves that float down from one’s mouth; but other words become like firecrackers: harsh sounds that deflate once their energy has vanished. Words being thrown like grenades is commonplace in a war of words, but try to spare as many casualties as you can.
Tip 4:
When the argument turns into a repetitive jumble leaning towards chaos, take a breath and a step back. End the argument in a polite fashion. I say polite because we’re taught manners for good reason: fine-tuned social grace can only aide us if utilized properly. Breathe, because toxic emotions and energy need a gulp of air to calm one’s nerves. Let go of your need to be right and give in to needing to move on with your life at that point. Sometimes it’s best to leave a fight for a day when the timing is right. And some arguments are better left shelved. Agreeing to disagree will save you time, energy, and often, even relationships.
You can do all of this if you simply stay calm, think before getting caught up in emotions, forget your ego, maintain courtesy, and know when to stop beating a dead horse.
Nobody deserves to be in the midst of a such an energy-draining event, but it is necessary to learn how to deal with confrontation. I know I’m still learning.
Good luck to you all.
