So many people suffer mental illnesses quietly since there is an ongoing stigma surrounding it. I wish that it was not such a taboo subject since it is just something that people encounter in their lives; in fact, more than 18% of Americans suffer from some type of mental illness. As a result, I feel the need to be very open about it. Through many therapy sessions, I have learned to cope, understand, overcome, and accept it. It has ultimately made me grow as a person and recognize that it is a part of my story.
Throughout the years, I have suffered from generalized anxiety disorder. Currently, I am, so I like to call, “graduated” from my therapy sessions for now. I am doing excellent for the time being; it is truly one of my biggest accomplishments to take control on how mental illness affected my daily life. My anxiety will always be a part of my journey that shaped who I am and will become in the future.
The best way that I have found to describe my anxiety is simply that I was constantly in an argument with myself. The constant fear and worry of acceptance would eat my thoughts as I backtrack and overthink problems in my life that realistically were not there. Simple things such as a friend not texting back for a few minutes with no explanation would lead me to feel abandoned and worried that I have done something wrong and they are mad at me or not wanting to be friends anymore. Realistically, I know that that is not true and that they are probably doing homework or taking a nap, but that would not stop my mind from trying to convince myself that I’ve lost a close friend. This ongoing theme of self-worthlessness affected how I viewed myself, my body and overall my lookout on life.
On top of that mental game my mind forces on me, when out with my friends, a lot of the time my mind still draws a blank on what to say, and so I, more often than not, stay quiet in social situations. My thoughts during a conversation would revolve around what I should say next and I would criticize myself for what I have or have not chosen to say already. It could be insanely exhausting for me to go out in social situations because my mind would tend to never have a moment of silence.
Some people that I have opened up to this about do not realize the extent of my struggles, although they truly care about me. Some people think that just because there is nothing physically wrong with me, then there is nothing wrong at all. To those people, I cannot tell them what to feel towards mental illness’ because I do not believe that you can truly understand them until you struggle with them. Although, I can say that even though I have a smile on my face and seem to be doing just fine in a conversation, that does not mean there is not a mental civil war going on in my head.
I have also been told that others just think I am seeking attention from other people. When I hear this regarding any mental illness, I get really upset. I try hard to cover it and try to draw very little attention to myself as possible; I have held back tears in social situations and have stepped away just to regroup so nobody would see my struggles; I’ve laid awake at night crying my eyes out without telling a soul. Mental illness' are real and if people think others who suffer from them are just seeking attention, then I just ask that they keep that opinion to themselves.
I had never realized the amount of struggle people with mental illnesses have until I developed my own. If I have learned anything from this fight, it is that if you push through it and seek help when you need to, then you can win the fight and step out stronger than before. Today, I stand strong knowing what I need to do in case it resurfaces and I know that I can overcome it as I have done in the past. It will always be a part of who I am and a reminder of how strong I can be.
*This article is based on solely my personal experience with mental health.
