I’ve been told more times than once, “you apologize too much” or “stop saying sorry.” The word is engraved in my vocabulary and I catch myself saying it multiple times throughout the day, even when people don’t point it out. They call it the “Sorry Syndrome.”
I apologize for talking too softly.
I apologize for responding to emails too late.
I apologize for not being enough help.
I apologize if I ask a question.
I apologize if I’m in the way.
I apologize if I misunderstood.
Excessively apologizing is exhausting but at the end of the day…do we even realize we’re doing it? As we overuse the word and “ask forgiveness” for every little thing we do, “sorry” loses its meaning.
Do I need to apologize for asking a question? No, because I want to do it the right way.
Am I really sorry for talking too softly? No, that’s my voice.
Should I feel bad for not responding to that email? No... you send way too many emails.
I’m sure you’ve heard the speculation that women tend to apologize more often than men. I’ve read a few articles on this topic and many attribute it to women being more sensitive, avoidant of self-criticism and less self-assured. While I’m not going to get into a gender role debate, I don’t think this theory can be generalized across an entire gender. Yes, some women may be more sensitive than men. At the same time, some men may be more sensitive than women. This is more of a case-by-case basis, but I think there is one common factor that can be identified.
Saying “sorry” comes so easily because it’s a part of our inherent nature. I, along with most others, was taught to be polite, to apologize when I did something wrong. But talking softly or not having an answer to someone’s question isn’t wrong, we just frame it in that sense.
If you catch yourself apologizing for trivial notions far too often, try to recapture the meaning of “sorry.” I’m not encouraging you to stop apologizing. I am encouraging you to stop saying “sorry” as a placeholder – an excuse that takes place of a statement, an expression or an opinion we’re afraid to share.
No, I’m not sorry I stepped in front of you because I actually didn’t see you. And I’m not sorry for ignoring your call because I simply didn’t feel like talking. I’ll be the first to admit I’m guilty. Let’s bring purpose back to the word “sorry,” and stop throwing apologies around like they’re Twitter favorites.
