I'm scared of the future. I don't want my future to be dictated by men; men who have never had the best intentions for me at heart. Their intentions are always half of what their intentions for themselves would be. I can't be put into a box and averaged out. I don't believe in monogamy, although at a certain age, I do want to trust and be with one person. However, I feel I might never stay faithful. I believe in love as a sacrifice and a commitment to do good to another person and to build a life discovering them and trying your best to get happiness in this world. I believe I have good qualities, as a woman, and as a person who is intelligent.

I get sad thinking that the depths of me won't matter, because I'm young and attractive. That he may never truly recognize me as a person until I am 45 and he believes that "now" is when the "work" starts. But I've always been working.

I believe that's when the arguments start too, because the whole time I thought we were playing happy and he will have believed the mystified myth that women just want less.

I want a husband who sees us as equals, and who is scared for me to leave him not because of my beauty or something frivolous and fleeting, but because I am the one he thinks of when thinking of to being "seen" spiritually and emotionally in the eye of another.

I don't want young pictures of me to be depicted around the house, to points where people can say "she used to be so..." As if I've changed, and not just beautified. I am 21, I've decided that I do not want to be alone in my journey in this life, but I can also say that, I'm not sure where to link my values because my values aren't taken seriously in society.

I am not just a mother, I am a strong person, I am free, and independent human, born into a disastrous situation, piece by piece making a puzzle that I want to see for my future. I want relationships and I admire women like "Special Victims Unit" Olivia. I don't want my children to think of their mother as a phony has been, with an OK job, and some point of attractiveness that's withering away.

I do always want to be the star of the show, so maybe children wouldn't be a good idea, because, I don't want to get tired. I don't want my work not to matter, I don't want my only contribution to be a "sigh" or a picture at prom labeled "hot mom" as if I've never thought a thought in the world.

I think growing up in the Midwest may have shaped those fears, but I've always known that I've never wanted any of it. Those are not the highlights of my life. I remember when I was younger, and men in my life would say, "She doesn't have children, she's had a rough ride." And for men it was, "He hasn't found the right person yet, plus he is right in the middle of his career, he's not worried." As if her ticking time clock allotted her a certain amount of time before becoming a woman's true purpose, a mother, and if she could keep him, a wife. A small portion of what I could see myself as capable of doing.

I tried to ignore these fears but they do not go away, instead they explode in your face when trying to pick a job, or looking at the finances of your future. I am so excited to work. I take great pride in thinking analytically, and being able to work in a group setting with men and women, always pushing our boundaries of thought and psychological perspectives.

I want a career, and I want to be respected, and if I don't have a child by the time I am 35, I want the thought to be, "She's focused on her career," and not, "She's missing out on something grand." Because although we all love children, I want my life to be lived for me for a while.

I spent so much time surviving that I want to be able to make a difference, in the lives of people who need help surviving as well, and who might benefit from some mental clarity. I want the option of being selfish, even though I am still wont to and desire to be nurturing, with that being considered just fine.