1. They must be interested in a serious relationship.

This is not commonly what these apps are used for. They are marketed to people looking for "love," but what is love? (Baby don't hurt me). My idea of happily ever after is not the same as someone else's. Mine never ends, and theirs might end the next morning. I was not interested in dating just for the sake of having someone to go out with. I wanted a relationship I could grow into and grow with. Match.com boasts their marriage rate, while anyone looking for a hookup goes straight for Tinder.

There are other nuanced apps, like Bumble, where the woman must message the man first. I can see the appeal of that kind of set up, because of the barrage of messages women get in other apps, but that seemed hetero-normative to the extreme even though it was forcing role reversal. I chose OKCupid because it had an in-depth profile system and I could filter.

2. They must be monogamous.

It is incredibly important to decide what kind of relationship you are interested in, or willing to be in. There are so many kinds of life styles and relationships out there. I was not interested in a polyamorous or open relationship and had to be very clear about that. I respect everyone and their mother. I find nothing wrong with what other adults do with consent and full knowledge. I am a monogamous person, and I wanted a monogamous relationship.

3. They must be a non-smoker.

I don't want to be around it. I also don't feel like dealing with bi-hourly moodiness and ducking out so they can smoke. I am health conscious, and invested in living a long, healthy life. I can't do that if I have asthma flare-ups or if I'm stressed out or heartbroken because my partner isn't well. Call it selfish, but it's my life.

4. They must be drug-free.

I don't smoke weed. I don't do drugs. I don't. I won't. I can't see myself spending my life with someone who does. I enjoy celebratory drinks, but I'm not into drinking alone or drinking as the only activity. My sobriety is precious to me even though it hasn't been a problem. I have a family history of alcoholism, and I honestly believe I'm better off without mental interruption. If you or someone you know is struggling with drug or alcohol addiction, help is never far.

5. They must not have children.

Saying goodbye for the last time to someone else's child after a breakup is incredibly painful. I'd rather not risk it again. I want to have children of my own someday and growing into a relationship with someone who is as free as I am to do so seemed ideal.

6. They must want children. Someday.

Yes, it seems a little heavy handed to put this on the list, but I was imagining my life partner here! It's not like it was the first thing I asked them after "Hi, my name is Magen." I actually found I was significantly less interested in people who didn't want children and then decided to add it to the list. I see myself with a family someday, anyone not sharing that vision was obviously not the person I was looking for.

7. They must have a job, and a car.

I don't live in the middle of a bustling city where having a car is expensive and inconvenient. This may seem judgmental or privileged, but I didn't want to deal with giving rides and having money problems. After leaving an emotionally abusive relationship where my partner had neither a car nor a job for the majority of our relationship, I can honestly say I was done. Someone on the same page with me would be hard working, able to support themselves, and would be an equal partner in our new hypothetical future relationship.

8. They must have a degree, or be getting one.

I didn't always have a strong idea of what I wanted to do for a career, but I always believed in education as the path. I don't mean they needed to be getting their law degree at a really expensive school or anything like that. I just wanted to meet a well-rounded person who had taken the time to better themselves.

9. They must love to be outside.

I love camping, hiking, swimming, and just being outside. I wanted to be with someone who wasn't afraid to get their hands dirty, and who would enjoy my favorite hobbies with me.

10. They must have a good relationship with their family.

Holy privileged polarizing nonsense! I know. I'm not sorry. My family means everything to me. I wanted to meet someone who had a strong sense of self, and a strong relationship with their family. The importance of family cannot be underestimated in my eyes. I wanted to be as proud of my partners family as I was of them, and be comfortable welcoming them into my life someday.

11. They must share my views on religion.

If this makes it to your list, be sure that you are adding it with love in your heart. I knew the kind of setting in which I'd want to someday make a family and live my life. I needed to be sure, on a fundamental level, that this part of our lives was something we agreed on and felt secure in.