Have you ever found yourself in a moment that was seemingly too meant to be? In the last few days, I have realized myself in such an instance, and I owe it to nothing other than the most powerful book I have yet to open. "If You Feel Too Much" by Jamie Tworkowski was recommended to me by a friend several years ago, and when I saw it promoted on some social media quite recently, I thought I'd give it a shot. Two days later, I opened the Amazon Prime package, snuggled on the couch with my two dogs, and opened the first page to the book that hasn't stopped changing my life.
Founder of the non-profit, To Write Love on Her Arms, Tworkowski conjures a deeply personal anecdote to his own duality of pain and hope, and his words are touching my heart more than anything I've ever experienced before. Although every single human should read this book to find their own story within, I am writing this article for reasons other than review and promotion.
In light of the past two articles I have shared (“To All Of The Big Sisters” and “18 Things I Wish I Knew Before Turning 18”) and the overwhelming amount and love and support offered by nearly everyone, I wanted to write a public thank you, for all that I am, for reading what I have to say, and responding with such kindness. Because so many people I love and know have truly touched my heart in their humanity, I feel it both necessary and appropriate to call all of you out and let you know just how much you mean to me.
"What an amazing thing to feel known and loved, to feel understood, to walk through life with another person... it's something we can't tell ourselves, what we mean to other people. We hope we do, but it's powerful to hear, significant to receive" (Tworkowski, p. 49).
Similar to the first page in "If You Feel Too Much," I would like to dedicate this article to those that remind me life is worth it, to those that can never fail to put a smile on my face or make each day a little bit brighter, to those that push me to be the person that they see, and to those that simply care. To all of you not mentioned by name specifically, know that I love you equally, and that I am so grateful for your presence in my life. And for those of you that don’t know me, I hope you can relate to my words in your own lives, find those that give you the same strength, and reach out to thank them. Overall, life is more than just a noun and living is more than just a verb, so this is my attempt at showing you why.
"There is value in all people, in life, and in today, and I say it because (you're) reminding me" (Tworkowski, p. 8).
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To my family (Daddy, Mommy, Maddie, Clyde, and Nellie):
You are the heroes to my life, and I love you more than anything in this world. Thank you for believing in me, giving me something to believe in, and showing me happiness is possible. Thank you for defining unconditional love in the utmost way each and every day, and thank you for being your wonderfully amazing selves. You are all my everything, and you truly give me the strength to push through. Mommy, you are my literal shoulder to cry on; you are my faithful support and biggest inspiration, you make me believe in my dreams, you give me hope, you love me at my worst (especially when I can no longer love myself), and you show me that the worst thing I can do is fail to ask for help. Thank you for being there, for loving me, and for showing me the beauty in each and every day. Daddy, you're wise and I look up to you in so many ways; thank you for guiding me through life, and thank you for being my biggest hero. I hope to one day be half the human, parent, and friend you are to me. Thank you for letting me know that its all right to be weak, strong values are character mean everything, and family will always comes first. Miss Maddie Claire, thank you for loving me, for showing me what true beauty and strength is, and for teaching me how to be grateful for the little things. Thank you for your random hugs that mean so much, your continual forgiveness, and your faith in me; I love you forever and always, and I hope to one day be half the person you are today. Clyde and Nellie, thank you for listening to me, letting me love you, knowing when I’m hurt, and showing me that happiness still exists. Thank you for your kisses, your kind souls, your loving hearts, and your meaningful whispers, and your eyes that tell me it will get better.
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To my swim team (in particular, Cameron, Claire, Dana, Giuliana, Leslie, and Livi):
College, and more importantly life, would be nothing without each and every one of you. There is something about starting and finishing each day together, with the in-betweens filled with laughs, tears, and memories, that truly build a family. For all that I am, thank you all for being there. You are more than teammates and more than friends; you truly are my family, and I can’t thank you enough for picking me up, for cheering me on, and for believing in me.
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To my best friends (Elayna, Vrinda, Kirsten, and Kelly):
The words don’t exist to be able to express how much I truly love you all. You understand me more than I feel I understand myself, and you know just what to say or do when I’m at my worst. You each hold such a special place in my heart, and you always will, because you mean the world and more. You inspire me every day, you make me want to keep trying, you give me happiness, and you see the real me. School, weekends, and life could never be as amazingly worth it without each and every one of your beautiful smiles, your contagious personalities, and your loving hearts. Thank you for your compassion, your kindness, your love, your support, and your friendship, because without you I would be nothing.
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To my Theta sisters (Katie, Nikki, Emma, Lucy, Grace, Sam, Emily B, Emily E, Conner, and Chloe):
To all the women of Kappa Alpha Theta, thank you. Thank you for taking me in, for showing me how such a strong, smart, and beautiful sisterhood can truly change lives and touch hearts, and for giving me something to aspire to become. Each and every one of you encourage me to be a better person, leader, and friend; you all have accomplished so much and you are all so special. I am so honored, and beyond grateful, to have such amazing leading ladies to look up to, and I can’t imagine my life without your influence. TLAM, forever and always <3
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To all of my coaches:
Thank you for molding me into the person I am, and for teaching me how to strive toward the person I want to be. Thank you for instilling in me character, competitiveness, and compassion toward my sport, self, and others. Thank you for pushing me beyond my perceived limits, and thank you for showing me that I am limitless when I set my mind toward a goal. Through three sports—Irish dance, triathlon, and swimming—I am who I am today, but mostly because of you: Heather, Emily, Juliana, Coach Jeremiah, Coach Lindsey, Coach Evan, Coach Chris, Coach Nancy, Coach Brownley, and Coach Nick. For all that I am today and for all that I hope to be tomorrow, thank you for what you have given me. I am forever indebted and forever grateful for the impact and presence you have had in my life.
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To my Irish dance sisters:
Thank you. Thank you Caiti for living with me in my imagination, for joining me on the "dark side," for sharing the craziness of our first Oireachtas and later Nationals together, for being my first real best-friend-turned-sister, and for loving me for me. Jackie, thank you for the memories, the laughs, the cherished conversations, the crazy times, and the beautiful best friend you gave me with your beautiful self. Grace and Bailey, thank you for sharing too many memories to remember, for being the best friends I can only hope to have again, for being uniquely yourselves, and for growing up with me, hands and hearts intertwined. Thank you Grace, Brenna, Savannah, and Colleen for being my first biggest inspirations; you girls are amazing in every way, and I couldn’t have been luckier to grow up looking up to more perfect role models, even today. Molly, thank you for understanding me like no other, for being the most beautiful and talented person I know, for not caring one bit what others think, for embracing your amazing personality, for being a friend I am so lucky to have, and for inspiring me each and every day, to this day. Although our lives have skewed apart, I continually think of each of you as you reach your dreams and change this world, and the wonderful memories that will bind us for life.
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To my extended moms and other incredibly inspiring women, including, but not limited to:
Lisa, Mrs. Griffiths, Mrs. Osborne, Mrs. Taylor, Ms. Linda, Ms. Kidwell, Mrs. Kelsey, Mrs. Connelly, Caitlyn, Alex, Rachel, Dr. Collins, and Dr. Cranford
Thank you for your commitment to challenging me to become the woman, leader, and friend that you see. Thank you for respecting me, appreciating me, and loving me, and thank you for sharing your own stories of strength to give me that extra sliver of hope to keep pushing through. Each of you holds a special place in my heart because you have all given me something to cherish in my life, and I hope one day you will know just how much you mean to me. I cherish our relationships beyond measure, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without your incredible influences. Keep touching lives, ladies, because you truly are all such a gift.
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And to all other people I love (including every single one who has read, liked, commented, or shared my pieces):
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. For all that I am and for all that I hope to be, for everything that has brought me here today and for everything that will bring me where I want to be, and from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Your love and support means more than you will ever know, and I am so, so grateful. Thank you for giving me light when it gets so dark...
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So for everyone mentioned, for everyone thought of, and for everyone sharing in the process of this piece, I want to end with one final comment: If I’ve learned anything from this point in my life, it is truly that life is so much more than just a noun, and living is so more than just a verb. Please don’t ever forget this; begin and end each and every day of your existence fulfilling its entirety. Life is a gift and the people who are found in yours are a constant reminder, so remind them what they mean to you."I just have to believe that we are all more loved than we'll ever know. And we're all in this together" (Tworkowski, p. 11).
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