Dear Sweet Angel,
First off I want to start off by saying I am so sorry that you had to go through such an emotional event at such a young age. I can relate to what you are feeling inside. When I was 10 years old, I lost my father to Carcinoid cancer. My father was diagnosed in October of 2005 and he passed away in April of 2006. The cancer started in his colon and then eventually spread to the rest of his organs.
I was lucky enough to be able spend the last months of my father’s life with him. I want to say thank you to my mother for being my rock through this time and teaching me how to deal with these emotions. It truly means the world to me that I was able to spend my father’s last day with him. Losing a parent never gets easier. Time flies by, but the wounds still feel fresh. I can tell you that it will be 10 years this April since my father passed and I still feel like it was just yesterday that we received this horrible news. As a young child you truly do not understand what it means to lose a parent, you just know they are gone. As life moves on you should remember these things.
It’s OK to cry
Crying is not a sign of weakness; you are still strong even if you break down. It’s unhealthy to keep all those emotions bottled up inside. You will feel a plethora of emotions from being sad, to angry, to confused, reflective and feeling happy about the memories you do have with your parent. Crying is a great way of releasing all your built-up emotions.
Therapy Helps
I know some people do not like speaking about their emotions to others, but going to grief counseling helps. I went to hospice grief counseling for a couple years and it truly helps you deal with the emotions you experience. You are surrounded by other kids who are going through the same thing as you. You will learn how to deal with emotions through talking them out and expressing them through things like art projects. I still have candles, drawings and books from counseling that I look at sometimes and it brings a smile to my face. I am grateful for knowing how to deal with what I'm experiencing inside instead of lashing out or going into a depression.
Holidays will never be the same
Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Halloween and birthdays will never be the same. As you crowd around the table for a family dinner, take holidays photos and go out to trick-or-treat, a part of you will be missing. Holidays are always a good way to reminisce on the good memories that you have with your loved one. You can always continue your special traditions with the family you still have and it will bring you joy inside.
Your loved one will not be there for the milestones in your life
As you grow up you will graduate high school, college, get married, have children and start your career. It is sad to accomplish those moments without one of your parents with you helping you celebrate. Even though I believe they are there in spirit, it does not feel the same as them being there in person. You will constantly wish they were to tell you how proud of you they are but you will have to know inside that the always going to be proud.
You will appreciate life more than you think
As I continue to grow up, I've learned to cherish every memory that I have. Life throws you obstacles that will help you grow and make you strong. Being strong is not about waking up and moving on through life in a sad slump. Being strong is about dealing with your emotions, helping other family members deal with their own feelings and realizing that your loved one is in a better place. You will appreciate every relationship that you have with your family and friends. You will learn to step back and smell the roses. Appreciate what you have and not what you do not have. Life is a priceless gift and is only what you make it.
Finally, I would like to say that you are never alone no matter how alone you feel. You are loved by many and your parents' love will go on forever. If you are ever feeling sad look back at old photos and/or talk to someone about memories you have with your parent. Whether it's been days, months, years or decades just remember your loved one will always be looking down on you, watching over you and will always be proud of you. Just because they are no longer here with you in person does not mean they will not be with you in spirit. Your loved one will always have a special place in your heart that no one can replace. They will continue to be with you through every step of they way.
Sincerely,
The girl who lost her father
