To whom it may concern:
I am living life to the fullest. Each day brings new opportunities that I once did not think were possible. I have amazing friends, a wonderful family, a man I love deeply and a faith that continues to grow stronger with each breath I take. I have not always been this way, though. All of you made sure of that. You once broke me. I was naïve and let you in and told you all my secrets. I spent time with you and trusted you. There came a time when each of you betrayed that trust. You ruined the innocence I had. I was forced to see only cruelty in this world for a time.
The first of you gave me life. Small and fragile as I was, you abandoned me. Short weekend visits every couple weeks, then months, then years. A childhood of knowing you were robbed from me. I saw what it was like to be loved from a distance. To see you with new families every few years. In my youth, I only saw you in a drunken slumber. Little did I know that the pain of your absence was to be a lesson, as all things in life are. From your mistakes, God taught me to forgive. For it was you who slowly began to seek out my company and I was torn between whether to continue to hate you or let you in. I forgave you.
The second of you violated my sweet innocence at such a young age. I previously lived such a carefree life and was full of light. You are one of the few who truly destroyed everything that made me, me. For too many nights you used the darkness to conceal your true self from all of us who trusted you. You used this to your advantage for so many months until I could not take any more. What broke me more than what you did to me was that I had to tell the world every detail. God used you to teach me strength. Despite my young age, I was able to do what was right, despite the enormous difficulty I had doing it. So, thank you, because what you did will never leave me but neither will my strength.
The third of you broke my heart. My first love that I thought would be my only love. You made such sweet promises during the years I spent with you. I fell so deeply into your presence that I saw nothing else. You became my whole world and I thought I had become yours. Little did I know that you kept another world on the side when you decided you stopped loving me. But you never told me. You abruptly left me stranded and alone. When I learned the truth of why you abandoned me just a short time later, I felt my heart shatter in my chest. It felt as if I was mourning your death because I no longer recognized the person you had become. But God was using you in my life to draw me closer to him. Because it was you, in fact, who showed me what it was like to know Him. So, I have you to thank for the foundations of my love of God.
The last of you did so much more than you know. Your friendship was so important to me. I relied on you so much that I forgot who I was. I took all your criticisms to heart, and all your negativity burrowed itself in my mind. We were inseparable once, but you ruined that. I was the one who truly ended our friendship but you left me no choice. You made me so insecure with myself. It wasn’t that I had low self-esteem. Instead, it was that I couldn’t go out places with you sometimes because you didn’t want me to steal the attention of any boys you were after. I was never allowed to dress cute if you were in yoga pants and a tee shirt. You made me feel insecure when I thought I was beautiful for the way God made me. I wasn’t allowed to make a better score on a test than you or be able to run faster or be able to lift more weight. The list is unending.
You are so insecure about yourself that you feel threatened by those you think are better. You don’t know how to be happy. I loved to be upbeat and excited but you never failed to see the negative. At some point, I started to see only negative too. It took me a long time to realize I was just convenient. When people you liked more came along you left me standing alone. Yet you expected me to drop whatever I was doing to be at your side whenever you demanded. Nothing I did was good enough.
The final straw was laid when you dragged my faith through the dirt. You thought I was so lame because I went to church on Sundays. I knew our friendship was doomed from the start. But God used our friendship to teach me that I need only him. He will forever come first in my heart, and if that doesn’t suit someone then they don’t need to be a part of my life. You can raise your chin to me and whisper about me all you want but I am secure in His love and know that He has better friends out there for me. So, thank you.
You are only a few people in my lifetime that will cause me heartache. There will be plenty more in time. I once didn’t understand why there are people in the world that hurt others, but I feel fortunate to understand that there is a purpose to why I have been hurt. Everyone I cross paths with is someone God wants to show me something. Sometimes these people hurt me, but most of them are amazing, wonderful people that I cherish so deeply. To those who once hurt me, thank you. I wouldn’t be who I am if it weren’t for you.
Sincerely,
Me
