To the one who's grieving the loss of a loved one,
I know it is hard to fathom a day, let alone a holiday, without the one you love. Trust me. I lost my grandfather almost three years ago and every single holiday is still hard. I still imagine that one day he'll magically appear and be with us once again.
Know that it is okay to miss the one(s) you love. Whether it's been a day, a week, a year or many years, your feelings are more than valid and you have every right to be sad. I cannot begin to recount the amount of times that I have cried ever since he passed on.
Holidays can really magnify the loss. The sadness and loneliness you feel is enormous. You need support and that's okay. Please reach out to those around you that you trust. Reach out to your family. Reach out to your friends. You don't need to pretend that everything is okay or that you're not hurting. Take this time to get the external support you need. Being around my friends and sharing was one of the most healing things that I had, and still have, to do.
It's a good time to share the good memories and the funny stories of the one(s) you love as well. Sometimes that's one of the best ways to cope: to think of the good times. When talking to my closest friends, I find that sharing funny stories of my grandfather and me helps me feel at peace. They help me remember my times with him.
Also, know that it's OK to step back and take a back seat in planning for the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Maybe this year you need to ask for help in cooking, shopping or decorating, if you find it is too much for you.
It is OK to avoid circumstances that you don't feel ready to face right now, but don't isolate yourself. Take time to be alone, grieve and feel sad, but also balance that by going out and having time with others. I found this particularly challenging but necessary to the grieving process.
One thing that I had to realize when it came to grief was that going through the grieving process is very unique for each individual. There are these stages of grief that people talk about (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). I imagined being able to go through them and at the very end finding acceptance in what happened and being happier, especially during the holidays. I told myself that if I could come to peace with it all, it would be okay. I could not have been further from the truth.
This picture below is a very accurate representation of grief. If you think you're going to go through those five stages of grief in a nice little order, you're wrong. There will be days when you are at peace and everything is fine. Then, the next day you're so far gone or so angry at God (or whomever you believe out there) that you cannot function.
Those feelings of depression or anger may feel stronger than ever this holiday season and that's okay! It's what you do with that depression or anger. I urge you to find someone you trust and vent, cry, and talk. It really helps to release those emotions built up in your head.
This holiday season I urge you to remember the happy times. Do something special in honor of whoever you lost. Whether that is making their favorite dish or lighting a special candle, carry on their name in some way.
Holidays are hard, but finding friends and/or family to talk to is a good way to help get through this time. Yell, cry, be angry, be sad. But also laugh and smile, remembering the good times. Do what you need to do to cope.
Here's to the ones that we love who have gone before us. I light this candle for them.
From,
A fellow griever
~ This article is dedicated to my Grandfather who was my hero and best friend. ~
I love you and I miss you every day.
