Dear Stranger That Hurt Me,
Whenever I think of Tuesdays, I think of the pain that you caused me. I think of the silent whispers of my heart begging you to stop the violent act from which you were doing to me. I wanted you to listen to me when I said “No” over and over again, but you did not listen. You were selfish, control-hungry, and only interested in your gratification. I made horrible mistake inviting you into my room that tragic, Tuesday night, but you had a choice, and you chose wrong.
Each night, as I close my eyes, I remember your hands over me and inside me as I said “No” continuously, but you didn’t understand the power of “no”. I was like a grain of salt in your hand, so small that I was wiped away within an instant. I was the mortar and you were the pestle going into me as I begged for you to stop. I remember the fear in my mind as you grabbed my hands and forced me to touch you in sexual ways. I want you to understand the emotional trauma and scarring that you have left upon me. There is no substitute for the emotional damage you have caused in me. A part of me longs to understand what justified your behavior in forcing me to do these sexual acts with you, fully aware that I did not want to engage in those behaviors. I want to understand what kind of pleasure did you get out of hurting me the way you did.
Now, each day as I walk around campus, I am in constant fear of being assaulted again. Every night, when I go to sleep, I wake up trembling, remembering the destruction that you left behind. I now find it hard to trust anyone because of what you have done to me. You made me feel worthless, powerless, and insignificant. I was only an object to you. I hope that you read this so that you can begin to understand my feelings. No girl deserves to be assaulted. No girl deserves to have a part of herself taken away for the sake of your sexual gratification. No girl should feel like she does not have a choice in the matter, REGARDLESS of what she has said in the past.
Thanks to you, I find it hard to ever get close to another person. Thanks to you, I will forever carry with me the fear of finding true love. Thanks to you, I am afraid of losing my sanity as the images of that tragic night plays throughout my head. Although this experience has left me shaken in a way, it has not broken me. It has taught me that not everyone I meet deserves my trust, and that I am stronger than what I am currently facing. I have support from a beautiful community of family and friends and with them, I will get through this difficult time.
I hope one day, when you meet another girl, you will think about your actions before doing something that can leave that person broken. I want to be angry with you for treating me that way, but I cannot because it has taught me some valuable lessons about knowing my self-worth, being cautious of others, and distancing myself from potentially harmful situations. You were the worst mistake but also the greatest lesson, and for that, I thank you.
Sincerely,
The Silent Girl
