We were inseparable in every way.

You know every deep, dark, daunting detail of my past, and I knew yours. We would stay up late, cruising around on the ol' Ave. Looking for boys to take our minds off of the reality we both faced. We never talked about it with others, we just understood each other. Never having to go into detail about what we were thinking...we just knew and finished each others sentences or nodding in agreement and laughing.

Our Summers were filled with concerts and regular trips to Hot Topic or Claire's. You knew I was accessory obsessed and you indulged me. We would put our change together and get something cheap to eat at McDonald's or Taco Bell, sit in the car and people watch. Our friendship wasn't just a friendship...we were sisters.

Then I went and got pregnant, married someone I thought was the one. We drifted apart. My life was filled with work and housewifely duties and baby talk. You disappeared and were obviously very angry. Not understanding how different our lives had become. I missed you. I missed you when my son took his first steps and you weren't there for me to tell you, or when he lost his first tooth, at my wedding, on the nights I felt so alone and knew my marriage was about to end. On those nights, I would have given anything to still have you bestie.

I didn't know the life you were building for yourself. A life that led you down a spiraling path of booze and drugs. Mostly pills, sometimes other things to get you high. You were young, and had no kids so carefree and wild. House parties every weekend, a couple of evictions and a now every day habit later...

And now you are addicted.

All this time I do not know what you have done to yourself.

Years later, after my divorce...we find each other again. Forgive each other and hang out again. At first it was amazing. I finally had you back. God I missed having you as a friend.

But as time went on, I found out what you had done to yourself. I was shocked, I didn't know how to handle it. My other friends noticed it, my sister noticed it. No one wanted to come over anymore, you were falling asleep eating at my table. Falling asleep talking and drinking.

We started to worry about leaving our wallets around.

You would fall asleep mid sentence with me and every time I tried to send you home...you would con me into staying up with you more. You never left my house before 3 a.m. I had trouble waking up for work the next day, and was often late.

It killed me best friend. But I had to let you go. That was one of the toughest things I have had to do yet.

I have a son and I will never allow him to see anything like that in my house.

Fast forward, and I heard you now have a child yourself. Six months ago you posted that you were clean and I was so happy for you. I congratulated you.

Just recently, I heard you have relapsed again.

My heart hurts so much for you. I wish I could take your pain away. I wish that I could help you realize that you don't need drugs in your life. I wish you could see how much your child loves you, I wish you could change for her.

I wish time could rewind a bit, and i could have you back again. Before all the pain and heartache. Before drugs took you from me.

I will always love you best friend. And I will never stop wishing for you to be clean.