I’m not sure what it’s like to struggle with an addiction. I won’t pretend to know what it’s like to need something so bad, you’d give up life to grip it momentarily.I never thought I’d see this day. This day that occurs in the morning when my breath isn’t a paralyzing feat. When the phone rings and I don’t stand incapacitated in fear of who’s on the other line.This day where spoons are clean, not rusted with residue. This day that marks another year of my brother's sobriety.
I’d be lying if I didn’t juggle with hesitation in the past if this day would ever arrive. If it was a plausible outcome or a pipe dream. If I was injecting myself with this fleeting dream, this dream of his sobriety. When speaking of my brother, I never failed to notice the eyes of others, the glance down, the back of their throat burning with backlash, the look of sympathy for my family. The “He’ll never change.” “Lost cause.” “Just an addict.” “He’s f****** up.”
Addiction affects far more people than I had previously thought before I saw my brother fall into its jaws. One in ten people over the age of 12 will suffer from an addiction in the United States. We cover up this truth about addiction out of guilt and fear, but it still remains. Please tread lightly on assuming who's suffering, we all are not building blocks of some trite remark you might have heard. I ask you all kindly, don’t label an addiction, an addict.
My brother’s addiction never affected what I saw in him, and it shouldn’t affect yours. My brother is warm, kind, compassionate, forgiving, talented, and more intelligent than anyone I know. I have seen countless times the fluid motion people use to simply toss an addict's worth aside. Every single person struggling with an addiction is someone's little sister, best friend, son or spouse. Don't let a label cast their worth aside, and don't let a label prevent you from trying to help.
I can’t describe what joy it brings to me to see the clarity in his eyes and the sound of his laughter again. And I can’t express the amount of pride I have to be his sister. If I have anyone to thank for making me a better person, without hesitation I thank him. There are a lot of things you undergo when living with a family member suffering from an addiction and one of those is the power of courage in the midst of adversity. What I hope people see in my brother are the qualities that truly define him, his courage, his leadership, his incredible sense of humor and his never faltering love for others.
We cannot pick and choose the endeavors we must face in this world.When people ask me what it’s like, to watch someone struggle with an addiction. To watch your dad’s head fall into his hands, to watch your brother go from a healthy young man to a corpse-like figment. I won’t make light of it, it’s like living in hell. It challenges your faith in people and in yourself. It makes you feel worthless and alone. That you were never more important than a sensation caused by an outside source. But it made me stronger. He made me stronger. He made me kinder and more than anything, he made me proud.I have heard many times the definition of an addict. And I challenge that definition with great admiration and respect to anyone who has overcome an addiction. To never define an addict again.
