Dear Taylor,

Hi. I hope when you read this, it finds you well. I hope you aren’t stressing too much about whatever it is you’re cooking up in school (ha, culinary puns).

I’d like to remind you that I was a major dick when you befriended me in middle school. I was new, and your hair was short. You wore too much glitter on your eyelids, and I was a little bit on the bitter side (even more so than I am now, which is scary). You loved your Vera Bradley bags, and I carried my cross-body, stereotypical satchels.

We were babies. It’s almost scary to think about how long ago that was and to think about how young we were. So much has changed since then.

I wouldn’t have admitted it back then, but I was so afraid I wouldn’t make any friends. I was afraid no one would be able to look past the façade I put on to combat the anxiety I truly felt. You did that for me. You still do that for me even to this day. I love you for that.

I love you for your genuine personality. You are one of the kindest, most beautiful human beings I have ever known in my 19 years of life. You are so accepting and sweet, so kind and so wholesome, and everything I am not.

You have an attitude, and although I can’t think of any female lacking an attitude, yours is unique. The sass is real in you, and that’s just another aspect of your personality I’ll always love and appreciate. I know if someone hurts me, even if I don’t want your opinion, you’ll give it to me, and you’ll give it to whoever made the mistake to break my heart or my spirit.

That’s another thing about you – no matter how many times my spirit breaks, no matter how much I fail to believe in myself, you’re right there to put the pieces back together for me when I can’t seem to do it myself. Do you remember when I found myself infatuated with that one boy (the one who had a girlfriend and still found a sickly charming way to string me along)? I thought that was the end of my world. I thought the emotional pain of being second best, always second best, would kill me. You proved to me, despite my morose state of mind, I wasn’t, and never would be, second best. I don’t know how you did it. I never understand how you manage to do that for me. It’s like your resilience rubs off on me when I need it the most.

I love you for your sense of humor. No matter what happens to you, you make light of it. You make the best of it. You continue on, and I believe that is the strongest thing a person can do when the going gets tough. Your ability to make me laugh and to make me smile is an impeccable one. Never let go of that. Never let life take the humor out of you.

I loved watching you perform in the plays and musicals in high school. You’re a star in every sense of the word. You shine, glisten and glow with the intensity of thousands of stars, and I don’t care if this is beginning to sound like a love letter because I am so proud of you. I am so proud to have cheered you on. I am so proud to have known that my best friend was on stage, adding beauty and talent and integrity to the Thomas Jefferson stage.

I’m so proud of the woman you became throughout high school. I am so proud of the woman you are becoming. I am so proud to call you my friend, and I am so proud we’ve made it this far. It’s been a battle; life is complicated, and we’ve spiraled into confusion. But what makes a friendship is not a perfect track record but the ability to understand and recover from those mishaps. And I think we’ve done a damn good job of bouncing back from silly, juvenile conflicts. I couldn’t imagine a life without you as my friend, honestly.

I’ve cried to you. I’ve laughed with you. I’ve fought with you. You’ve seen the best parts of me and the worst. You were there when I was convinced my future didn’t exist. You were there through the stress of writing and publishing my first novel (which was a mess of a graduation project presentation, by the way, so thank you for supporting that insane idea). You were there through the times when I was an insufferable hermit and sometimes still am. You were there when I lost myself and when I found myself again. You’re always there, and I don’t know what I did to deserve it.

Isn't that funny, how life blesses us with the best types of people, even if we, ourselves, aren't the best person we could possibly be? If I could go back in time and tell myself how much I'd need you in my life, without disrupting the space-time continuum, you better bet your ass I would. Because unfortunately, I didn't appreciate you as much as I should've. Not all the time. I'm sorry I wasn't always the best friend out there. Sometimes, you deserved more, and I hope I can be there for you the way you've always been there for me.

Time has passed and people have come and gone. Yet somehow, for some miraculous reason, you’re still by my side.

I can't wait until I get to tell embarrassing stories at your wedding. I can't wait for you to do the same at mine. I can't wait to show your kids old pictures of you. I can't wait for the day when you're making cupcakes for my babies. Let's grow old and raise hell together.

You will never understand how much I love and appreciate you.

Thank you, Tay.

Sincerely, and with all the love,

Sam