An Open Letter To My Inner Demons

An Open Letter To My Inner Demons

You're definitely the one thing I'm not absolutely terrified to say goodbye to.
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Hey Buddies,

For years you've continually drowned me in self-misery and pain, and I wish that I could say "long time no talk," but, we both know that that's not true. Some days you're quiet enough that even if it's just for a little, I can forget you're there - and other days it seems like I can't breathe without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Everyone has their own version of you, and some people are better at managing than I am - but I'm hoping soon enough we can come to an agreement.

Here are my terms to you:

First, no more suffocating anxiety. No more talking me into being terrified when I'm walking by a group of people that I know absolutely does not know me. No more telling me people are judging me when I'm hungry, and paralyzing me so I can’t walk into the chow hall, restaurant, or grocery store. No more instilling fear when I want to go out with my friends because masses of people I don't know might be present. Not again can you, my inner demons, control what is rightfully mine.

Second, no more self-loathing. I can't remember a time when I looked into the mirror and I had a genuine compliment for myself. Every glimpse has been tainted with that your piercing comments about the gap in my teeth, the freckles on my face, and my weight. I have journals from ELEMENTARY school, where I wrote about losing weight to fit into cuter clothes - 3rd grade? Really? Why? What woke you up so early? Why have I never been able to make you stop? Not again can you, my inner demons, control my self-image and worth.

Third, no more overbearing nervousness. Let me be able to say "good bye" to someone without feeling like it'll be the last time I see their face; I resort to "see you soon" to calm myself but it doesn't always work. Let my loved ones drive somewhere without having to always let me know that they got there, and if they do forget to let me know don't make up worst case scenarios. The overthinking itself is enough to drive me crazy, I don't need the nerves to push me over - just because it’s happened before doesn't mean it's going to happen again. Not again can you, my inner demons, plague my future with constant fear of loss.

Stop making me jump to the absolute worst. Stop making me feel like I'm unworthy, not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not funny enough, not talented enough, not smart enough, not enough. I am more powerful than you.

Finally, I've never understood how something internal had so much power - how something inside of your own head could make you feel so small. But what's even more is that, with all of the bad you've done - isn't there good that you can do?

Now, I know that you're pretty set in your ways - and I know that switching it up isn't going to be a cakewalk. But I can't continue to let you hold my mind hostage like this, and I will continue to try to over power you with positivity. We've spent years tearing me down, and it's time to build me back up.

So, you have my propositions - and I've got to say, you're definitely the one thing I'm most definitely not terrified to say goodbye to.

Good Riddance,

Me

Cover Image Credit: Christian Hopkins

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To The Friends I Won't Talk To After High School

I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.
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Hey,

So, for the last four years I’ve seen you almost everyday. I’ve learned about your annoying little brother, your dogs and your crazy weekend stories. I’ve seen you rock the awful freshman year fashion, date, attend homecoming, study for AP tests, and get accepted into college.

Thank you for asking me about my day, filling me in on your boy drama and giving me the World History homework. Thank you for complimenting my outfits, laughing at me presenting in class and listening to me complain about my parents. Thank you for sending me your Quizlets and being excited for my accomplishments- every single one of them. I appreciate it all because I know that soon I won’t really see you again. And that makes me sad. I’ll no longer see your face every Monday morning, wave hello to you in the hallways or eat lunch with you ever again. We won't live in the same city and sooner or later you might even forget my name.

We didn’t hang out after school but none the less you impacted me in a huge way. You supported my passions, stood up for me and made me laugh. You gave me advice on life the way you saw it and you didn’t have to but you did. I think maybe in just the smallest way, you influenced me. You made me believe that there’s lots of good people in this world that are nice just because they can be. You were real with me and that's all I can really ask for. We were never in the same friend group or got together on the weekends but you were still a good friend to me. You saw me grow up before your eyes and watched me walk into class late with Starbucks every day. I think people like you don’t get enough credit because I might not talk to you after high school but you are still so important to me. So thanks.

With that said, I truly hope that our paths cross one day in the future. You can tell me about how your brothers doing or how you regret the college you picked. Or maybe one day I’ll see you in the grocery store with a ring on your finger and I’ll be so happy you finally got what you deserved so many guys ago.

And if we ever do cross paths, I sincerely hope you became everything you wanted to be. I hope you traveled to Italy, got your dream job and found the love of your life. I hope you have beautiful children and a fluffy dog named Charlie. I hope you found success in love before wealth and I hope you depended on yourself for happiness before anything else. I hope you visited your mom in college and I hope you hugged your little sister every chance you got. She’s in high school now and you always tell her how that was the time of your life. I sincerely hope, every great quality I saw in you, was imprinted on the world.

And hey, maybe I’ll see you at the reunion and maybe just maybe you’ll remember my face. If so, I’d like to catch up, coffee?

Sincerely,

Me

Cover Image Credit: High school Musical

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How To Rock Your Natural Curly Hair This Summer & All Year Long

CALLING ALL CURLY HAIRED GIRLS: It's our season!

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All of your friends and your favorite famous idols all have long, straight hair. You take hours or get treatments on your natural curls to keep your hair straight, when in reality you are ruining the gorgeous curls that you should be rocking! I know it's hard to keep your curls under control, but with the right product and effort you can rock your curls all summer long. Curly hair is in! Here's how to rock your natural hair all summer long.

1. Coconut oil is your BFF.

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Whether it's in your conditioner or you use it as a spray or leave-in product, coconut oil is a great way to keep your hair shiny and frizz-free. For those of you who often straighten your hair, coconut oil can help tame and treat your damaged ends. Conditioners and products with coconut oil in them are always my go-to products. I would but this on this list 10 times if that would make you use it!

2. Stay by the pool.

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If my friends want to do something and I am having a bad hair day, I always suggest the pool. Not only can curls give you a beautiful thick messy bun, but my friends are always jealous of how good my hair looks in the pool. Curly hair, wet from the pool, is like a magic trick. Your hair will instantly look better.

3. Dye your hair!

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If you are like me and can't stand having your hair look the same 24/7, I have found dying my hair keeps me from wanting to straighten my hair or want to change it. Dying your curls will make whatever color you get really pop and keep you feeling fun and exciting in your natural hair journey. You don't have to do anything too drastic either! Sometimes so highlights or a lighter color is all you need.

4. Rock the pouf!

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Get that hair as big and crazy as you can get it, and ROCK IT! Don't let that volume and texture go to waste. Own your curls and wear them big.

5. Use a bandana or headbands for control & extra cuteness.

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When my hair gets a little more out of hand than I like, I opt for a headband or bandana to help style it. With curls, your hair has texture and can actually hold a headband in place. CVS and Walmart offer a large (and cheap) assortment of headbands and bandanas for all of your curly hair needs.

6. Braid parts of your hair to give your hair depth or add control.

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Sometimes a french braid on the side or over the top can not only make it look like you really took the time to style your hair, but also add control to your everyday look. I like to braid my hair when I know it is going to get frizzy or just want to slick down the top and rock a pouf in the back.

7. Invest in a good conditioner & hair mask.

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While you are relaxing with your face mask, why not do a hair mask at the same time? A hair mask is a great way to hydrate your curls and get them bouncy, conditioned, and frizz-free. You can find a variety of good hair masks for under 15$ and you can use them 2-3 times a week.

8. Get bangs... or just fake them!

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This one is #RISKYAF, but you don't actually have to cut your hair to get bangs. I use bobby pins to pin up my hair to give the illusion that I have bangs. It is great when you want to switch up your look or rock a ponytail or bun. Which leads me to my next point...

9. Bobby pins, bobby pins, bobby pins!

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Use bobby pins to hold your hair in place and control your hair while you go for a messy look! I pin my bangs to the side with bobby pins or use them to hold certain pieces in place. They are especially helpful for updo looks!

10. Comb your hair while you're in the shower.

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To avoid breakage and breaking apart your curls it is always best to comb your hair while you're showering. You need to condition your hair (to avoid breakage) and comb the conditioner through it until all of the knots are out. If your hair keeps getting caught in the comb and the knots aren't coming out, put more conditioner in your hair to help. Finish your shower and then rinse the conditioner out at the end. And BAM! Tangle and frizz-free curls. PRO TIP: Use a wide tooth comb, never a brush!

11. Invest in a hair turban towel.

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You can get these on Amazon, at TJ Maxx, at CVS, and the list goes on. Instead of drying your hair with a regular towel and making it frizzy, wrap it in a hair turban to get the wetness out while keeping it moisturized. Hair turbans will help keep in all of the moisturizer and conditioner locked into your hair after showers.

12. Use scrunchies instead of hair ties.

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Not only are they super cute to wear on your wrist, but they also won't crease your curls if you need to tie them up quickly. Scrunchies are also great because they can be tied loose and not damage or smash your curl pattern. I haven't used a hair tie in years and don't plan on using one anytime soon.

12. Be proud & rock the f*ck out of your hair.

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Healthy and loved natural hair will never do you dirty. Love your curls because 9/10 people wish their straight hair had the same texture yours does! Curly hair is a whole look, let's start appreciating it more!

Love your natural hair and get inspired by all of the tips and pics of super fab curly hair!

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