An Open Letter To My Inner Demons
Health and Wellness

An Open Letter To My Inner Demons

You're definitely the one thing I'm not absolutely terrified to say goodbye to.

Christian Hopkins

Hey Buddies,

For years you've continually drowned me in self-misery and pain, and I wish that I could say "long time no talk," but, we both know that that's not true. Some days you're quiet enough that even if it's just for a little, I can forget you're there - and other days it seems like I can't breathe without feeling like I'm doing something wrong. Everyone has their own version of you, and some people are better at managing than I am - but I'm hoping soon enough we can come to an agreement.

Here are my terms to you:

First, no more suffocating anxiety. No more talking me into being terrified when I'm walking by a group of people that I know absolutely does not know me. No more telling me people are judging me when I'm hungry, and paralyzing me so I can’t walk into the chow hall, restaurant, or grocery store. No more instilling fear when I want to go out with my friends because masses of people I don't know might be present. Not again can you, my inner demons, control what is rightfully mine.

Second, no more self-loathing. I can't remember a time when I looked into the mirror and I had a genuine compliment for myself. Every glimpse has been tainted with that your piercing comments about the gap in my teeth, the freckles on my face, and my weight. I have journals from ELEMENTARY school, where I wrote about losing weight to fit into cuter clothes - 3rd grade? Really? Why? What woke you up so early? Why have I never been able to make you stop? Not again can you, my inner demons, control my self-image and worth.

Third, no more overbearing nervousness. Let me be able to say "good bye" to someone without feeling like it'll be the last time I see their face; I resort to "see you soon" to calm myself but it doesn't always work. Let my loved ones drive somewhere without having to always let me know that they got there, and if they do forget to let me know don't make up worst case scenarios. The overthinking itself is enough to drive me crazy, I don't need the nerves to push me over - just because it’s happened before doesn't mean it's going to happen again. Not again can you, my inner demons, plague my future with constant fear of loss.

Stop making me jump to the absolute worst. Stop making me feel like I'm unworthy, not good enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not funny enough, not talented enough, not smart enough, not enough. I am more powerful than you.

Finally, I've never understood how something internal had so much power - how something inside of your own head could make you feel so small. But what's even more is that, with all of the bad you've done - isn't there good that you can do?

Now, I know that you're pretty set in your ways - and I know that switching it up isn't going to be a cakewalk. But I can't continue to let you hold my mind hostage like this, and I will continue to try to over power you with positivity. We've spent years tearing me down, and it's time to build me back up.

So, you have my propositions - and I've got to say, you're definitely the one thing I'm most definitely not terrified to say goodbye to.

Good Riddance,


Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Everyone remembers the first time they went to one of the Disney parks. Spinning in teacups and having Goofy wrap his arms around my 8-year-old self were some of my fondest childhood memories, and I'm surely not alone in that.

Keep Reading... Show less

These Superfood Beauty Products Show Kale And Matcha Work For SO Much More Than We Thought

Just another summer's day with a cold glass of kombucha on my face.

I've been vegan for about six years now, so a love for fresh vegetables and superfoods has now become a core part of my being. Don't get me wrong. I love my indulgent, creamy pastas and truffle fries more than anyone. But I keep most of my focus on eating clean and healthy so I can indulge guilt-free.

But I'd say about a large part of my diet has always, unknowingly, included superfoods. Being Indian, lentils, beetroot, garlic, ginger, and whole grains have been core essentials on the family dinner table since I could digest solid foods.

Keep Reading... Show less

Now that college is around the corner for most if not all young adults, students once shook by a pandemic now have to shift their focus on achieving their career goals. As if we thought we had it together already! As an NYC girl, I have always seen myself as a hustler, hungry to advance my career in journalism by having one skill: working hard.

Keep Reading... Show less

5 BBQ Essentials Every Vegan Should Bring To Avoid Summer Cookout FOMO

You'll have your whole family drooling when you bring these goodies over too.

All vegetarians and vegans can relate when I say this: summer barbecues aren't fun when there's nothing you can eat.

Keep Reading... Show less

Kourtney Kardashian has decided to leave "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" after nearly 14 years and although we saw this coming, it breaks our heart that she won't be there to make us laugh with her infamous attitude and hilarious one-liners.

Kourtney is leaving the show because it was taking up too much of her life and it was a "toxic environment" for her.

Keep Reading... Show less
Health and Wellness

We Asked You How You Felt About Resuming 'Normal' Activities, And Some Of Your Answers Shocked Us

The New York Times asked 511 epidemiologists when they'd feel comfortable doing "normal" activities again, considering COVID-19. We asked our peers the same thing, for science.

Last month, the New York Times surveyed about 500 epidemiologists asking about their comfort level with certain activities once deemed normal — socializing with friends, going to the doctor, bringing in the mail. That's all well and good for the experts, but they are a very niche group, not the majority of the population. What do "normal" people feel safe doing? In certain states, we've seen how comfortable everyone is with everything (looking at you, Florida), but we wanted to know where Odyssey's readers fell on the comfort scale. Are they sticking with the epidemiologists who won't be attending a wedding for another year, or are they storming the sunny beaches as soon as possible?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments