You may not remember me, and to put it bluntly, I don’t give a damn if you do. I know you all too well. I lived with you through my early teen years and I though once I made it through you, I’d never have to deal with you again. Obviously, I was wrong because here you are again, destroying lives. Not mine, but the life of someone I love.

I’ve tried to stay positive, to look at the bright side for her since all she sees is the darkness you’ve put in her mind. The thing is that you are slowly getting stronger and you’re making it harder for every one of us that cares about her. You have taken away her smile, muted her laugh, and dulled her shine. You’ve made it hard for her to see a light at the end of the tunnel, you’ve made it hard for her to hear me when I try to tell her that it’s there. You’ve taken the joy out of everything that she loves, leaving her with no escape from you. She doesn’t want to leave her room, she doesn’t want people around because she’s always so tired from fighting your destructive words. “They hate you.” “They really don’t want you around.” “You messed up again.” “Why can’t you be normal?” “You’re such a buzzkill.” “You’re a failure.” “You’re a freak.” “Kill yourself.” You have her questioning every thought that goes through her head because she can’t tell if the thought came from you or herself. She doubts herself so much that she doesn’t always hear us when we tell her how loved she is, how much she is needed, how much she is appreciated, and how strong she is.

You are making her life a living hell that I can only watch from the outside. Sometimes she thinks it would be easier to end it because it looks like there is no end in sight. Sometimes she feels like she’s the only person who has ever been here even though logically she knows better because you make logical answers seem wrong. Because of you, I’m terrified. I’m terrified that I could wake up one morning with a phone call telling me that we’ve finally lost the battle. That she took her own life because it got to hard being alone while all her friends slept. I’m terrified someone is going to push her over the edge. I’m terrified someone will make her think that she isn’t worth fighting for no matter what everyone else tells her. I’m terrified that you are going to make one of the kindest people I know give up. That is why I’m so pissed. I’m so angry at you because I can tell what you’ve done to her and she is starting to think you and her are the same person which is not the case. She is better than you make her out to be. She is loving, she is funny, she is giving, she is a diamond in the rough and all this pressure you have her under will one day make her shine brighter than you’ve ever seen.

Here is the thing though. Right now, no matter how scared each and every one of us are for what could happen in the future, we are winning. She is winning. She is waking up every morning, putting on her boxing gloves, and fighting you with every breath she has. She is getting all the help she can even when she doesn’t want it because she knows that her friends know she needs it and that’s why we keep reminding her to get it. She is taking her time, she is learning to take care of herself first before anyone else because she knows that’s what it’s going to take to beat you. She does all she can and she’s learning when a situation is way to much for her. She’s learning her triggers and she’s learning that when her friends get frustrated that we are not mad at her, we are mad at you for what you’ve done to her. We’ve told her that no matter how much of a failure she feels like she is, she isn’t failing until she’s given up completely, so until that day come we are all here. Know that she is not alone. We are all on her side and she will beat you like so many before her.