Dear everyone who has ever said something hurtful disguised as a compliment,

I heard you.

Saying something with a smile does not take away its malicious intent. Or maybe, as I hope for most of you, you did not even realize that you were saying something hurtful. It's not your fault. We are raised in a society in which it's become totally acceptable to define a woman by her body type and it's become almost impossible to compliment a woman in our language without tearing another woman down. That is the real issue at hand.

I'm writing today about a subject that not a lot of people talk about: skinny-shaming. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and for whatever reason, thin women have been put on a pedestal. Since we were young, we were constantly complimented, until it was almost ingrained in us that while our peers could be dissatisfied about their bodies, we, on the other hand, were to be quiet and content with our chicken legs and flat chests. We were taught to smile as people joked that we needed to "put some meat" on our bones and taught to laugh when someone asked when the last time we ate a decent meal was.

Every single person, no matter their size, race, or gender has insecurities, and it's unfair that our society tries to rob a group of women from expressing their emotions and dissatisfaction. I am not attempting to write someone else's story or struggles; this is my experience and my perspective on this issue.

I remember growing up and being bullied about my flat chest. I remember waiting for the day I could finally wear a v-neck shirt with confidence. Turns out that fate just wasn't in the cards for me, and I've learned to be okay with that. What I'm not okay with is that some people find it acceptable to comment on someone's physicality. For example, on more than one occasion someone has asked me if I am anorexic. On what planet would that ever be okay or appropriate to ask someone, and the fact that you say it with a smile, as if it's a joke, makes it even worse. Eating disorders are nothing to joke about, and just because I am thin that does not automatically imply that I am unhealthy.

When it comes down to it, I was born this way. No matter how many "decent meals" I eat, this is just the way I look. Skinny-shaming has become a disease, controlling the way people think it is acceptable to joke about or talk about someone's weight. I, for one, am sick of being defined by the gap between my thighs. The message here is to love who you are and to leave other people's bodies out of the equation. I know that, when I look in the mirror, I don't want to see your numbers, your labels, your judgement; I just want to see me.

Sincerely,

A "real" woman being whoever she wants to be.