Dear those who loved me when I didn’t love myself,
On the outside, I’m just your everyday, ordinary, regular girl. I am bubbly, smiley, and some might say that I appear to be genuinely happy, but, like anyone else, I struggle. However, I was just really good at hiding it. It’s like wearing a mask. What you might not know is that, often times, I didn’t love myself (but I am trying).
I’m not exactly sure when it started. I can't exactly pinpoint it. Despite what society tells us, it was not because of a boy who broke my heart, nor did it occur because of the media’s ridiculously unrealistic female standards. Despite my many attempts to determine the cause, I simply cannot. I lost my spark. I barely recognized myself. I became the definition of a hypocrite. I was always preaching about self-love and body confidence, but I never embraced those values. My mom always told me that I was too hard on myself and, even though I hated to admit, she was right (like always).
To those who loved me when I didn’t love myself, I cannot find the words to accurately describe my gratitude and appreciation for each and every one of you. Because of your constant love and compassion for me, I have learned that I really am good enough. I have learned to not let my mind (and anxiety) get the best of me. I have learned to be my own best friend instead of my worst enemy. You have taught me to live boldly, love fully, and laugh deeply. I have realized that my journey is unfolding exactly as it should. Who am I to judge myself?
My journey in learning to love myself again has not been easy. In fact, it has been beyond challenging. I know that sometimes I can be whiny and annoying, but my own mind has broken me down so much that learning to love myself again is a daily hurdle that I must overcome.
It sounds contradictory, but my heart has never been happier than it has while writing you this letter. Sometimes, a little reflection is necessary. You saw in me what I failed to see in myself. You see me for who I am and for that I am forever grateful.
So Mom, Dad, siblings, best friends, roommates, and boyfriend: this letter is for you. Thank you for your continuous love, support, and guidance. You have kept me whole when I was the only one tearing myself apart.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love,
Me.
