An Open Letter To My Demons

An Open Letter To My Demons

I am so glad you are gone.
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Dear Old And Long Gone Friend,

I am better now. I do not get sucked into the mind games anymore, I do not let you control my emotions, and I most certainly do not let you take over my life. You once did, but I promise that will never happen again.

The thoughts, the anxiety, the self-doubt, the sadness... you were my demons, and still are, but I have overcome the hurdles you have thrown into my brain. You were tough and you stuck your ground on the days that were harder than others. You have always been stubborn and mean, and I am glad to say that I finally have the strength to shut the door in your face as soon as you knock.

You didn't let me do anything. You made me isolated from friends and family, you stomped all over any sort of happiness that came my way, and you were nothing short of persistent. You were, somehow, impossible to stay away from. I tried and tried every time to fight you off, but it wasn't until recently that I was capable of saying, "BYEEEEE!"

I feel like I could thank you?..... but I'm not going to because you don't deserve it. You made the hardest part of my life unbearable and I really think I could have done without your ickiness. You were one sticky situation that I was lucky to trudge through till the end and make it out alive. But, you only taught me one thing that I GUESS I wouldn't take back; my strength. Because of all your harshness, I am strong and I know now that, and in that way and that way ONLY, you were a necessary lesson. I will not thank you, I will not ever praise you because I honestly hate you, and I am glad you are gone.

In all, I would just like to say.... hasta la vista, babay.

Sincerely,

The Girl You Walked All Over, But Never Will Again

Cover Image Credit: static.lakana.com

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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It’s Time To Talk About Mental Health

It’s mental health awareness month and we need to start talking about it.

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The month of May is mental health awareness month. This is the time of year when it becomes blatantly obvious that we as a society still do not properly deal with mental health problems properly. It is clear that we are not being properly taught about these diseases in school until it is too late. According to the Parent Resource Program "Suicide is the SECOND leading cause of death for ages 10-24 and the SECOND leading cause of death for college-age youth." This is a heartbreaking, but also preventable statistic. If schools taught youth and teachers how to identify warning signs of mental illnesses, some of these deaths could have been prevented.

While educating people is a good first step it is also important to start talking about mental health in public spaces. If more and more people start doing so, perhaps over time the subject will no longer be considered a taboo one. With this hopefully more individuals will learn that it's okay to have a mental health issue and feel comfortable talking to a loved one about their condition. While doing this may be a good first step on the road to recovery, it is important to remember that they are not trained professionals. Seeking professional help is definitely the way to go.

As we progress through the rest of the month and onward, take a moment out of your day and check up on your friends. You never know what someone is going through.

If you need help remember you're not alone.

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:

1-800-273-8255

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