Hi.

So you've been with me for quite a few years now. We've had our ups and downs and my view on you has changed about as many times as my friends have. I used to think we were enemies. That you were working against me. But now I see, you were doing the best you could and you were suffering as much as I was.

Depression isn't just a feeling, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain that causes some pretty harsh side effects. I used to blame you for the bad days. The days where everything seemed to stop and there was nothing to help me as I suffocated silently in a room full of people. I used to let you rule my life and let you decide what I did, who I saw, what I thought of myself. And for a while, it was rough. I won't lie about that.

There were days where I felt like I wanted to die, not because I felt alone or I didn't see a way out. Simply for the fact that I knew I'd have to live with you for the rest of my life. I often thought of my disposition as being a china doll with a large crack in it which would never be able to be restored back to its original state.

I got into some pretty dark places with you. Just you and I. Thoughts swirling, heart hurting. I remember living out of room for weeks on end, losing the will to care for myself. I remember becoming reckless in hopes that I'd slip up and I wouldn't have to worry about anything ever again. I remember seeing my friends being carefree and laughing and smiling and never showing pain. I remember being alone. But in everyone of those situations you were there with me.

Some people would let you rule their life. But not me. I've learned that we need to coexist. We can't keep fighting, because like in Harry Potter, only one of us would survive. So instead I'm here to talk a truce. I'm here to say I know you'll always be with me and some days you'll be louder than others. But along with you, there will be me. I won't let you be the winner because too many people have lost to you and your ego is growing way too much. I'm here to use you for inspiration to keep pushing because that's all anyone can ever do.

Thank you for teaching me that life can be rough. That it's OK to hurt. That it's OK to lose. That it's OK to be a failure. Because in my journey of reaching my lowest point, I found myself. I know who I am now, and can go confidently in my path. I know I don't have to worry about you. We're in this together, whether or not we want to be.

So thank you. Because without you, I wouldn't who I am today. I wouldn't be me.

May is Mental Health Awareness month. If any of you or your family members struggle with depression, anxiety, etc., start a conversation with loved ones. It's our job to break down the stigma we've built around this topic and this doorway is a good stepping stone. Know that there are people out there for you and know it's okay to seek help because these disorders are health issues. Not something to be afraid of.