We spent months together hanging out, going places. You even took me to the zoo. My friends all agreed “the zoo is serious, that shows commitment.” We had a few bumps in the road, but I figured that all couples did. I didn't think it was weird that you wouldn't put a label on it. We’re young and in college. This is what people do, right?
While I was (*cue the "Grease" soundtrack*) hopelessly devoted to you, you had other plans. Your heart was in another place. Or should I say, with another girl. The first time you mentioned her to me I ignored it, figuring that since you spent so much time with me and clearly had some sort of feelings for me, I would trump whatever you were feeling for her. After all, I was here and she was not.
As time went on and I fell harder for you, you kept talking to her. I slowly noticed that things were different. You got defensive when I would try to touch your phone, and you were getting mad at me for little to no reason at all. But what can I say? I was a girl with a crush, so I pushed through it.
My friends all liked you; how could they not? You were funny and nice, and you spent time getting to know them, too. My friends from back home, who were in schools far away, thought otherwise. They only heard the bad things I said about you, the insecurities I had about us and the things that were different. They warned me and begged me to drop you, but I didn't listen. I kept telling myself that they had no idea. They didn't see the sweet side of you that bought me ice cream while we listened to Drake.
When summer came, I figured everything would be fine. You lived close enough to me to hang out regularly, so I would see you and it would be just like school. Boy, was I wrong.
We hung out twice this summer, the second time ending with me getting frustrated and telling you later that night to just try things with your ex again, something I could never have imagined you doing. But you did. I regretted those few words so much.
I thought that I would be sad for a long time. But then I thought about it, and I realized that I don't deserve to be with a boy who doesn't know what he wants. It's not fair to myself to sit and wait around for a guy who can't make up his mind about who or what he wants. I deserve better than that.
