There's ONE Question You Should Ask Yourself Before You Start Dating

Relationships are a huge part of our culture. If you have any form of social media, you probably have seen lots of friends and family getting engaged, getting married, and getting pregnant. For a young, 21-year-old like myself, sometimes seeing those things on social media can be intimidating and can invite those unwelcome thoughts of comparison and worry.

"What if I'm destined to be alone?"

"Is there something wrong with me?"

"Why can't I be like her?"

Especially in this time of COVID-19 and quarantine, those anxious thoughts can be heightened. For me, this definitely has been the case. When I talked to a friend a couple of weeks ago about some of the anxiety I was feeling, he said something that really stuck with me. He suggested I look deeper into my desires and ask myself this crucial question...

WHY do I want to be in a relationship?

He explained it like this: Being single and isolated is just part of the process of being molded into the person I'm supposed to be one day. While that is a good and necessary thing, it can also be very lonely. My friend challenged me to think about if I want a relationship with the end goal of having a husband and a marriage, or do I just not want to be alone? Thinking in those terms, I knew instantly that I wanted a relationship with the end goal of marriage. I've always wanted to be married, have kids, have fun with my own little family unit, and so on. That is a HUGE desire for me. I also think that right now, I have that desire to not be alone, and it is clouding my judgment when it comes to my end goal, which is a normal feeling. Nobody wants to be completely alone, no matter how introverted you are.

With that loneliness comes those unwanted feelings I mentioned earlier that hides the real reason why I'm still single. It isn't because there's something wrong with me or that I'm destined to be alone with 12 cats. Just like that's not the case with you (unless part of what makes you happy is having 12 cats. Live your dream, sis!). There is someone so amazing for me and you. The bottom line is that neither you nor your future spouse is ready to make that jump into a relationship. So much personal growth has to happen before a commitment can really be made, and part of that pesky personal growth is patience.

All this to say, the desires of your heart are there for a reason.

Just stay strong, my fellow single folks! When those evil anxieties pop into your head about when you'll find "the one," just remember that the longer you wait and marinate in your singleness, the greater your ending is going to be!

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