My sophomore year of college, a close friend from home, Ryan*, called me up late at night. He was panicked and high, and I could just barely hear him panting into the phone, “it’s never going to end” and “I feel hopeless” and “I don’t know what else to do.”

I snuck out of my dorm room, trying not to wake up my roommate. I asked Ryan where he was, and if he was alone or had friends nearby. I tried to get as much information from him as possible, to see what his intentions were, and to figure out if he would make it through the night. In a Carm lounge, I remembered whispering these phrases at 2 in the morning:

“Take a breath for a moment. In and out.

That’s good.

Again now, in and out.

I value you. You are important to me and so many others.

Are you still breathing?

Good.

I love you, I’ll love you no matter what.”

The adjustment to college life is harder for some of us than it is for others, and while I have struggled at various points in my Tufts career, I have almost always felt as though there were people that I could turn to when I needed them. I, however, had never been on this side of a conversation, where someone I valued had felt so hopeless that they disclosed to me that they felt like they had little to live for.

Suicide is a tragic reality on high school and college campuses across the United States. Last year, George Washington University had seven deaths, three of which were confirmed suicides. Earlier this year, two boys at a high school from my hometown committed suicide within weeks of each other.

Fortunately, I was able to text another friend of mine who went to school with Ryan to go and sit with him for the night. Ryan struggled with adjusting to the increased workload and being away from his friends and family, and hadn’t opened up his struggles until this point. He went to go talk to a counselor the next day and has since opened up about his struggles with Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorder.

There are a lot of misconceptions about people who struggle with suicidal ideation and behaviors. Those who attempt suicide aren’t crazy or are looking for attention. Those attitudes do nothing but stigmatize and isolate the very people who need help. If you are concerned about a friend who could be considering suicide, the best thing that you can do for that friend is to listen to them and support them. I’ve found this web page, very valuable and helpful to me when I’ve considered the best ways to support my friends (and even to write this article).

The most important thing that we can do for our struggling friends and loved ones is to listen to them and reaffirm our love for them. If you are feelings hopeless, worthless and are having thoughts of suicide, there are so many resources that exist on Tufts and nationally for you. You can call a counselor a at any point though Counseling and Mental Heath Services from 9-5 on weekdays and through TUPD all other times. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is also always available to you toll-free. The Hopeline also offers a 24-hour online chat service if talking over the phone isn’t an option for you.

We all struggle with our mental wellbeing at various points in our life, some of us more than others. It's important to realize that there is light and beauty in this world and in each other. We have to learn how to be gentle with ourselves and to forgive ourselves. I always am brought back to a few verses from Andrea Gibson’s Poem, “I Sing the Body Electric, Especially When my Power is Out,” that read, “It will take me a few more years to learn/Flying is not pushing away the ground/Safety is not always safe/You can find one on every gun/I am aiming to do better.” We can all do better—for each other, and for ourselves.