Growing up, my parents used to say a quick, "I love you!" every night before tucking me into bed.
They never stopped doing that, not even when I became a sullen teenager who was too embarrassed by them to have them meet my friends. Now, as I enter young adulthood and have moved out into my own place, they end each phone call with that same "I love you!" every time. They say that in the case of emergency, they want their last words to my brother and me to always be a reminder of how much they love us.
This gesture is very, very sweet to me especially as I grow older and think about having my own children. I have friends who don't say I love you and a brother who rarely does. It does not bother me; people are comfortable with what they are comfortable with, no matter what it may mean in the long run. However, it feels almost as if there is an emotional currency on the way we say "I love you," as if it means something different to each of us.
I have had significant others who would not say I love you at all and significant others who waited until months of dating to utter the phrase, even if we may have felt it from the very beginning. In my head, we were always skirting around the word, instead choosing to use synonyms: adore, appreciate, like, being fond of, etc. In the end, it felt like wasted time when we could have been saying what we meant to say all along.
One of my first "I love you"'s to someone in my life happened after we had a small argument in which I left to go cry in a bathroom (dramatic, I know). They came to find me, and in the middle of hugging and shaking as we made up, I said, "You know I love you, right?" as if we were in some romantic comedy about a slow-burn friends-to-lovers trope. Except it was not a movie but my life, and it was with a sense of relief that this person told me they loved me too.
Why are we so afraid to say we love people? Do we fear rejection? Do we fear being too much, or perhaps not enough? Do we feel as though we are undeserving of the love we share with others?
I don't have all the answers to that. I wish I did. What I do know is that many of us often feel like we can only hand out love in the right moment, at the right time, to the right person, under the right circumstances. Love is a big word, right? It means a lot to some people and very little to others.
All love is, at its core, is a deep caring for another person. You can love someone you have never touched. You can love someone you barely know. You can love people you rarely see or who you used to love more deeply, but still care for in whatever way.
Love is not a two-dollar bill you can only shuck out when it feels special enough. We as human beings have an endless amount of love to give and to receive. That is what separates us from many of the other species on the planet: our ability to feel and to think and to love even when we have reservations.
So please, when you go out into the world, love endlessly. Love freely. Love deeply. What is there to be thankful for, if not love itself?
