"Brush it off, you'll be OK. This, among many others, is a line heard far too often when someone is feeling down or just not themselves. It seems so easy to tell someone that they're going to be OK if they simply 'shake things off' and 'do their best to put on a smile.' What we don't realize, however, are what the detrimental effects could be from these seemingly harmless words.
Anxiety and depression are, unfortunately, commonly diagnosed mental illnesses, and are often seen paired together. I know, because I was recently diagnosed with both. Going through high school, I had a little bit of a feeling that something wasn't right, as I often got upset very easily over little things, and this sadness would last for days or even weeks at a time. The people around me only wanted the best for me, and the phrases above, plus several more, were often said with the best intentions.
Even though I did my best, whenever I heard one of these phrases, I cried harder or I worried deeper. I would force a smile so big that it hurt, only to have it disappear in a matter of seconds, replaced by agonizing sobs for no reason I could determine on my own. It was only when I began to talk to a doctor at school did I realize that there was a reason for the crying, the sadness, the worrying and the panic tracks, and that each sickness fed off the other. My anxiety would feed off of the sadness that came with depression, and the sadness would return once the panic attacks took place. I learned so much in a short amount of time, but one of the most important things I learned was this: it's OK to not be OK.
It's alright to feel sad sometimes and it's perfectly okay to cry. What's not okay, on the other hand, is telling someone to shake something off that cannot be done so simply. The stigma around mental illness, while getting better, still needs some improvement. We can support and lend a hand or a shoulder when needed, but we can't continue to tell people to forget the feelings that are unforgettable to them. If you find yourself in the company of somebody who is sad and you are unsure of the extent of it, or even how to handle it, here are a few phrases you can use:
"Help me understand what you're feeling".
"Is there anything you need right now?"
"You are strong, please know I am right here."
"I love you."
These words let somebody know that you are there to support and do not expect them to force any kind of emotion they are not feeling. Let somebody know you love them, because you never know the positive effect it will have on them. Let somebody know that it's OK not to be OK, and, when they are ready to talk, you will be right there. Please let someone know that, while you may not fully understand what they're going through, you love them and you want to understand. Continue to be the driving force that changes the stigma that surrounds mentall illnesses, and you will continue to change lives.
