There is finally a "the end," riding off into the sunset, happily ever after. There is definite closing of the book, and I finally accepted that our ending actually helped me. I'm the kind of person that desires a mutually peaceful ending to a relationship. To start, I want you to know that whenever you came into my life, I believe it was the right time and place. Things fall into place and happen for a specific purpose, and that includes what we had. I learned things about life, love, and loss from you. I'm now grateful for the things you taught me, whether they were lessons that hurt or pleasant surprises; in some way or another, it all made me better.The worst part about not having closure is the unknown--we never got to read the epilogue of the story or hear that last note of the song. I finally came to terms that, I don't need you to have my own closure. There are days when I miss who I was when I was with you; when I miss what we had. It's hard to say what I think would have been, but then again, what does it matter now? We can't focus on the what-ifs and the if only's. If we think in terms of that, the reality of what we had will fade and feel like another uncharted territory. I am completely thankful our relationship feels like a past life or a faint remembrance.
When I say I miss what we had, I mean I miss the good times. Not the times you cheated on me, lied to me, used me, mentally and emotionally abused me, and failed to give me what I truly deserved. Part of me will always wonder "why?", but then I remember: you were already broken. Your dad was an addict who died before you were 10. Even if he was around he wasn't capable to show you what a man really is made of. Your mom, the woman who chose alcohol over you and drank herself into a stroke and left you and your three siblings to figure this life out all by yourselves. And we can't forget about your druggie brothers and your promiscuous sister. Who were you to fall on when times got bad? That's right. Your equally f*cked douche bag friends. Oh! Remember that one time your drunken friend shot in me the foot point blank with an airsoft gun and I slapped him, but you got mad at me because I slapped him? Or that time you left me to go party with your friends? Or even better when I was your wedding date but you cancelled on me the day of to go fuck some random whore at the wedding. In the end I can not be mad at you anymore. It may have taken me three years, but I have finally realized everything you did and said that hurt me was simply because you were already broken. To this day, you still deny the fact that anything you did was wrong.
In the beginning, you made me feel like I was the only girl in you world. You made me feel like I was everything and all to you. These feelings faded away quickly when you let your ego get in the way of our relationship. You hated me within weeks of us being together, you made me go behind my parents' backs, belittled me, and abused me mentally. Love blinded me of the ways that you made me feel, it blinded me of the words that you used every time words came out of your mouth, it blinded me of the way that you treated my friends and family, and it blinded me of the way that you treated me
In the end, after three years. I can finally say goodbye, and honestly say you have no control over me anymore. But please know, I wish you the best in everything you pursue. I hope I made a healthier impact on your life than you made on mine, I hope you remember me as a girl you should've treated better and learn from that. I hope someone never abuses you like you did me and I hope you find happiness in your new life. Most of all I hope you find help and mend yourself into a healthy man that is capable of love and peace. I know you have it in you, you just have to want it. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I'll smile at you with joy.
-The girl who is finally ready to say goodbye
