We all remember the days of middle school when all there was to life was who we sat next to at lunch. We didn't have cars or jobs or anything to do maybe other than the occasional after school sport or dance lesson. Now five years since I left, I look back on my middle school self in shock and horror. I was so consumed with my appearance and "being popular" that I didn't care much for anyone else's feelings. This led me to be kind of a horrible bully. So now that I've confronted that closeted secret, let me tell you a story.
When I was in 6th grade, I was awkward, pimply and too tall. I was one of those girls that matured early and always felt out of place or insecure because none of the other girls had matured yet. This led to being teased in 5th grade by my peers, so going into 6th grade being insecure, I picked on girls who didn't look like me to make myself feel better. One of the girls I picked on was one of the nicest girls you could imagine; she just wanted to fit in too. Eventually, looking back, it made me feel worse to remember that every time me and my friends picked on this girl, she kept coming back, trying to be friends. Being the immature twelve year olds that we were, we would just call her weird and laugh. She ended up transferring schools the summer before 7th grade. I was friends with her on Facebook, but I would always ignore the nagging sensation to reach out simply because I was so mortified by my actions.
I regretted this later as tragedy struck the winter of my senior year. I was at home when I got a call from my mom. She asked me if I knew this girl, and with confusion in my voice I replied, "yes." Then in a voice hung with sadness, she told me she had been murdered that night by her mom's boyfriend. I slowly began to sob. I felt like I had been punched in the gut, unable to breathe.
I found out later she had plans to go into the marines. She had a family she left behind. She left the world way too early in the worst way possible. And all I could feel was guilt and sadness. It was too late for apologies, for my plea for forgiveness. I had been mean to a girl who didn't even remotely deserve it, and now, I'm going to hold that regret in my heart for a long time.
I guess the message I am trying to give is that your actions matter. When you are young and stupid, your actions are going to come back and bite you in the ass. Even the tiniest action will have some consequence. I learned the hard way that you should be kind not for a reward, but for the fact it will make you a better person and positively impact those around you. Bullying for any reason should never, and will never be, okay. Life is too short and unpredictable to be unkind. So every action should be with kindness in your heart and good intentions. Please, be nice to everyone that crosses your path, even if you are having the worst day in the world or are an insecure middle schooler. You will regret it later if you don't.
