"I am not a toy that you can play with when you're bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me." -Olivia Pope, " Scandal"
I heard this quote two years ago and it has never left my mind. The words spoken by a Shonda Rhimes-crafted character spoke more truth about how I felt than anything I had ever heard. Women are often under the impression that they are meant to entertain the men they are dating, and men are thus taught that treating women in this way is acceptable. We are here for them when they are ready to deal with us. We are taught to be this fantasy girl in every form of entertainment, from music to the Disney movies we watched as a child (and a 20-something).
Coming into college, I learned a lot about myself. I learned the kinds of people I worked well with and the kinds I didn't. I learned the classes I preferred over others, and I learned perhaps the most valuable thing of all: I am not the fairytale girl. And that's okay.
I never felt like I fit this mold. I was never the dainty princess that the man rescued at the end of the movie. I wasn't a fantasy girl or a damsel in distress and I definitely didn't deal with men treating me as if I was there for their convenience. As I found myself in college, I realized this all, and I realized that this wasn't a problem.
To every girl out there who isn't the fairytale girl, this one is for you.
It's okay to be different. It's okay to have dreams and aspirations away from a man that swoops in and saves the day. It's okay to be your own hero. We fight battles, each and every one of us, every day. From depression and anxiety to the world's hardest history test. We fight these battles, and the sooner we realize that we are strong enough to fight them ourselves, the better.
Being the fairytale girl can be fun, I'm sure. The doe-eyed girl who never has a hair out of place and wakes up looking like a million bucks. I won't lie and say I never wished it was me. What I have found more exhilarating, though, is being the girl no one saw coming. The one who speaks her mind and isn't afraid to challenge the world.
I will never be the fairytale girl. I'm far too stubborn and impatient to ever fit this mold. I'm too imperfect to be the dream girl a guy gets at the end of the movies. I have flaws. We all do. I would much rather be the girl that I am now, though. The one whose respect is earned by action, not words. Who searches for a way to save herself rather than a way someone else can save me. Someone who deserves to be earned. I am not the fantasy. I will not allow myself to be merely that and I encourage each and every person to do the same. We are not fantasies. We are not prizes to be won. We are human beings who demand and deserve respect and effort. Earn me.
