The sun shined brightly through the window. The sky was blue, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. It was a beautiful day... As spring is around the corner, and days like this are becoming more and more common. I felt so good, and so, I did something that I hadn’t done in months. I wore shorts and a thin, light green T-shirt. Immediately, I looked in the mirror, checking myself to make sure I looked good. More specifically, to make sure I didn’t look too fat.
Of course, I immediately noticed my usual flaws: My belly, my love handles, man boobs, etc. For whatever reason, the T-shirt I was wearing left me feeling more exposed, and in the blink of an eye, my confidence left me. The good feeling I felt from the weather being nice was lost.
I’ve always been a bigger guy…ever since I was a kid. There is not a time in my life that I remember being thin. From my earliest days, I can remember feeling fat. I was a bit slower than other kids, couldn’t do the monkey bars, and was teased a lot. I also remember feeling so unattractive.
The seeds of ugliness and worthlessness were already being planted in me, AS A 5-YEAR-OLD KID! No child should have to feel that way, but I did, and body image is something I continue to struggle with to this day.
After wearing my summer attire and feeling exposed for an hour or so, I couldn’t take it. I then made the dumb mistake of taking to the internet to search for consultation. I Googled “body image issues” and found several opinion pieces about women’s body image issues. This helped a bit but wasn’t as relatable as articles geared toward men’s body issues would have been.
I then found an article on men’s body image issues in relation to looking buff and muscular, which also kinda helped, but my issue is more specifically related to being a bigger dude. I then Googled “body image issues men” and found articles such as “how to feel sexy enough for your man," which was also not helpful. I did find an article about the things that suck about being a fat guy, and after reading bullet points like “you never get laid,” my mood didn’t really improve.
As I kept clicking away looking, I ended up on the part of the internet that shows you pictures of men that are so ripped it’s disgusting, and then I found various numbers and stats on what the ideal male BMI is, etc. This led me to a sketchy website that offered basic dieting/workout advice and contained questionable links.
I then somehow ended up on a subreddit called “AskMen” on a thread called "How fat is too fat to date/sex?" which actually asked guys about what fat percentage they think is too fat for a girl to be datable/doable. That whole thread was really horrible, sexist, and hateful, to say the least. But I guess it made me feel better in the sense that it made those people, who cared so much about the weight that they took to hate, seem like losers.
So, it turned out that Google wasn’t the best source to turn to in terms of comfort for my body image issues (no surprise there!). I ended up feeling kinda down for the whole day, but then as I was getting dinner, I remembered something. A couple days ago, I watched a video from DamonAndJo. In the video, Jo, who’s talking about how she survived getting shot, talks a little bit about the importance of taking care of your body.
She says “They’re two separate things. You are not your body, your body is not you.” Remembering this immediately made me feel a lot better (and inspired me to write this opinion piece). Now, while Jo’s quote may not be directly related to body image issue, the idea that we aren’t our bodies still stands.
The thing is that it’s true, we are not our bodies. The bodies we have are merely a vessel for US to experience the world through. Yes, taking care of your body is important, but your body not being perfect doesn’t mean that there is something inherently wrong with YOU.
Your value as a human being is not determined by your body.
Too much of the time, people base their value and self-worth on their bodies. With that mindset, your body's flaws become your flaws. Your body's flaws become “there’s something wrong with me,” or “I’m not trying hard enough.” Yes, taking care of your body is important, but there isn’t something inherently wrong with YOU just because you aren’t in tip-top shape.
Anyway, I definitely will have more days when I feel insecure about my body. But at least I can take comfort in knowing that while I may have my flaws, and I may have things to work on, my worth as a human being is not determined by my body.
