Nobody has to make you a priority. You cannot force anyone to do anything. What another person decides to say or do is out of your control. Maybe reading this you are thinking, "Well, duh. Can lead a horse to water, can't make them drink." I was one of those people not too long ago... and when it involves something you feel strongly about, it is hard to emotionally come to terms with what you cannot change.

Lack of control is something I struggle with sometimes. It makes me uncomfortable to the point where I contemplate acting on irrational things. For me, something else I struggle with is acceptance. Although I consider myself an open-minded person, I still have trouble coming to terms with difficult situations. For example, in high school, my parents got divorced. My mom left my dad. It was then I realized my mom was not a positive person in my life for the majority of my life... but it was not until I physically saw my mom move out of the house where it started to click - slowly. It took years for me to finally see what was going on. This also created a lot of sadness for me. I wanted so badly for my mom to be somebody she never was. It was not until I accepted the relationship for what it was, that I finally stopped hurting.

Someone who inspires me once said, nobody has to make you a priority . What if you love them? What if you would drop anything if the person was in trouble? What if they hurt you? Well, it doesn't matter. Still, nobody has to make you a priority.

There was a situation I was going through over the summer, and it was really hard to understand and accept the reality of this. I was really sick and not doing well, and somebody I really cared about was not there for me when I really needed them. Why can't they make me a priority? I made them a priority. It just did not feel fair. Again, nobody has to make you a priority.

So then what? Well, a lot of things can happen from here. Is the relationship worth continuing? Can the hurt feelings be worked out? Have you processed the situation? Does the other person know how you feel? It is time to evaluate what is going on here. It is time to decide whether the relationship is worth keeping or tossing. You may not have control over how others view you, but you have control over making yourself a priority. This also means making healthy decisions — which can only be decided by you.

Earlier I mentioned control. When I am upset about a situation or a relationship, it helps me to write it all down,

Emotion: Sadness

Event: I really need to talk to my best friend but she has not made time for me in order to do this. It really hurts she will not make the time to talk about something I value as important.

Wise mind: It is understandable you feel hurt. This is important to you. It does not seem ____ respects or understands your priorities.

What can I control?: I can choose to tell her how this makes me feel. I can evaluate the pros and cons of this relationship.

Okay — so my best friend no longer considers me a priority. Finding what I can control in the situation helps me find a smart plan to move forward. Processing what is going on and creating a plan to move forward, helps me to accept the situation. It may not happen overnight, but it is a stepping stone to moving forward.

Let's turn this around - so you also don't have to make somebody a priority. At the end of the day, life is about learning with the people who support and inspire us... the people who help us feel happy and rise to our best potential. It is perfectly okay not to like everybody. It is perfectly okay to outgrow friendships and relationships. Ends of relationships don't need to be spiteful or end badly - these can end in mutuality and respect for one another.

Remember as you go about your days this week, that nobody has to make you a priority. Realizing this can be scary, but it can also be very empowering. Why? Make yourself a priority. By doing this, we choose to put ourselves first. By putting ourselves first, we are rooting for ourselves... and we really DO create a happy ever after for ourselves. Life is not perfect, but we truly are the 'captain of our souls.'