Last week in my article (https://www.theodysseyonline.com/sorry-saying-sorr...) I discussed how people should not have to say sorry for saying sorry. In general, the people that do, are just really kind people who genuinely feel bad. For instance, they feel bad for being over emotional, so they say sorry. Then someone says, “You don’t have to say sorry, it’s okay." To which they reply back with “sorry” because, quite honestly, they feel bad for saying sorry. It creates a vicious cycle but in the end, you just need to embrace your sorry saying and just know that you are a kind person. However, also know that at times, it is okay to be emotional and not say sorry.

This week, I want to continue my discussion on kindness. Kindness can be a great attribute to have. However, sometimes it can be abused. Not by the people who are kind, but by the others around them.

There is something to be said for the idea that we live in a “Dog-Eat-Eat-Dog” world and the nice people just get chewed up in the process. Kind people are really taken advantage of. Think about it. Whether you were the person who was taken advantage of, or the person who was taking advantage of someone else, it is not a fun feeling, is it?

Let’s say you let someone borrow your car a few times to get groceries because they don’t have one. The first couple times, the person puts a bit of gas in your tank as a way of saying thank you. Though after a while, they stop putting gas in your car after they take a trip to the store. They know that you are not the kind of person to say to no to someone who is need of help, so they reason that it’s okay to not put gas in their car every time. They know that since you did not stop telling them they could use your car, that you are okay with them not filling the tank with some gas. After a while, it gets to the point where you are essentially letting this person borrow your car for free whenever they want or need it. I know that at some point you might say something but there is a good chance you will not. Why? Because you would feel bad telling them to help chip in for gas or telling them that they couldn’t use your car anymore. Why? Because that’s just the way you are. There is no exact way to provide proof of why people are like this but I will tell you one thing, it is just like saying sorry for saying sorry. You genuinely feel bad and you feel as if it is your fault if they get mad that you are making them pay or not allowing them to use your car. Sometimes people are just really kind and empathetic and they do not want anyone to feel upset. Maybe, that is why things like this happen.

I know this can be seen as maybe a bit extreme of an example to use, as I believe many people would chip in for gas the whole time but I just really wanted to put emphasis on my point that kind people tend to be taken advantage of. It happens in everyday situations. It’s there with the girl you always ask for a favor from because you know she would never say no to helping someone. It’s there when you yell or snap at your friend after having a hard day because you know that they will not hold it against you. It’s with your teammate that you always tell what to because you know that they will never say anything in return and avoid confrontation. These kinds of things happen EVERY DAY, whether you know you are involved or not.

It is hard because a lot of times, people who are kind tend to have an optimistic view of the world. If they treat others how they wish to be treated, their actions will be reciprocated. However, that is not necessarily the case. I am not trying to be negative but rather realistic.

From my own past experience, I do not know how many times I have asked people for help and no one stepped up to help me. Then, I looked at that situation and thought, “But I would do it for you”. Or even that I had even helped them in the past in a very similar situation.

For example, at college, I do not have a car of my own. Often times I have to ask people for rides to and from the airport and I always feel really bad about asking for help. It is really hard for me to do because I hate to bother people. But, I need to get to and from school somehow. I always offer to pay people money for picking me up and it’s never a long trip but yet I still struggle with finding someone that will help me.

One time I asked a big group of people for help getting a ride, offered to pay for their inconvenience, said sorry for being an inconvenience and waited. Four days later, not even one reply. Not even a “Sorry, I am busy!” Nothing. It was not until about a day before my trip that I was finally able to scrounge up a ride to the airport so I could go home.

This really hurt. What’s sad too is everyone I asked knew that I would have picked them up at any time, day or night, if it meant helping a friend. Why? Because that’s just the person I am. And many people are like that. They are always there when you need them, they are kind, they are caring, and they will fight so hard so that they will never let you down. As people get walked all over time and time again and give so much love without reciprocation though they tend to become more cynical of the world instead of optimistic.

Now that I am older I find myself being more bitter and less likely to instantly see the good in people and it’s hard. It’s terrible actually. I have began to see that many people only wants what is best for themselves. That no matter how kind I am to people, things will not change. I have learned that maybe there is no place in this world for a person with a kind heart.

After reading this, one may say, “Well, these people just need to toughen up a bit. It’s a tough world out there is all.” But the thing is, without these kinds of happy, optimistic and caring people in our world, it wouldn’t be quite the same.

These are the kinds of people who go on to change lives. Creating a ripple effect of kindness and love that can spread from person to person for a long time. As one of my good friends once said, “I was put on this earth to love without bounds.” This is a real philosophy of life for many people but it is starting to fade. One by one, people’s lights are being dimmed by those around them who just don’t seem to care. By telling these people to “toughen up,” you are only making the world a harder, more emotionless place.

Would you want to live there? I sure hope not.