How many times have you been told not to make a decision that considers the person you are dating? If you’re in college, you’ve probably heard this a million times, and you’ve probably given someone else the same advice. But why? Why are we telling other people how to make their own decisions?
We’re all adults now. Maybe not bill-paying, home-owning adults, but adults nonetheless. We can decide how we want to spend our weekends, where we go to school, and what we spend our money on. Don’t you think telling other people how to make decisions for themselves is kind of hypocritical?
Recently, I tried to get one of my best friends to transfer to a new university with me. She’s been attending a college close to home for her first two years, and I know that she would love the college experience away from home. But she has also been dating the same boy since our senior year of high school. I told her not to let having a boyfriend get in the way of leaving our hometown, and everyone else who talked with us on the subject said the exact same thing. “Don’t do anything just because of a boy."
When I was deciding where I wanted to go to college, my family and teachers all told me this as well; “don’t make your decision based off of where your best friends are going to school."
And when I talked about a long distance relationship with a friend, I was told “I’m not going to let you drive that far to be with him every weekend”.
Sure, college is the time to find yourself, and to figure out who you really are (and to get a degree, but whatever). We’re encouraged to make decisions for ourselves, based on whatever is best for us and our futures. But why are we discouraging people from making decisions when those plans include someone else? Why are we looking down on people for being selfless?
If you want to choose a university because your best friend is going to be there, and you know that’s what will make you happy: Do it.
If you’re in love with your s/o and you want to drive to them each weekend because seeing them is more important than getting drunk with your roommates: Do it.
And if you don’t want to move away from the people you love: Don’t.
Each decision we make directly impacts and changes our futures, and sometimes, our decisions can impact the people around us too. Sometimes, you have to make a sacrifice and decide between two things you want.
What I’m saying is this: go ahead and make decisions for yourself, with only yourself in mind. But if you don’t want to leave someone you love behind, I won’t judge you for it.
