I can’t tell you how many times (after my first semester of college had ended) I was asked by family if I was seeing someone. At Christmas parties, cookie swaps, and family gatherings, I was asked over and over again why I didn’t already have a tall, good looking SoCal boyfriend. Even though I knew everyone was just curious to hear about my life, I was confused why it was that once one constant topic they brought up when there was a laundry list of things they could have asked me about my first experience in living away from home.

Truth be told, I had spent most of my first semester just trying to navigate what it was like to be responsible for myself 24/7 and making sure I didn’t lose focus on my classes! Many of my friends came back at Christmas with girlfriends and boyfriends, and even though I was happy for them, I had a feeling that the reason I was getting asked so much about boys instead of academia was because so many of them had settled down with someone quickly.

If I’m being quite honest, I didn’t have time for a boyfriend my freshman year. I saw someone briefly after Christmas—a date dash set up that went well—and when it didn’t work out, we remained friends, but my priorities were very different from some of the girls I knew.

When you’re about to go off on your way at the end of the summer, there is a lot of talk from older people who have already finished college: “I met my husband when I was your age,” or “College is a great time to find out what you’re looking for in a partner,” and it’s overwhelming.

Now, maybe the reason I heard so much talk about the importance of relationships is because I was raised in the South for so long, but I really don’t think it is. I think everyone, regardless of where they’re from, feels the pressure of heading off to college and starting anew; there’s an expectation that you will find your life-long friends in your freshman dorm and meet your soulmate at the salad bar at Café 84.

We come into college so excited and so nervous because we think there must be a secret for creating the perfect college experience. But the truth is, there is no model for life or success or anything else, and that’s what makes it so exciting. You get to prioritize your life however you want and make things happen for yourself in your own time. We are fortunate enough to grow up in a time when these experiences are more attainable than ever.

You don’t have to feel pressured to marry the first person you date, or stay best friends with any of your roommates, or even keep the same college major all four years! Create your own formula and figure out what you have to input in order to get the results you want. Know that year to year those things may change a little.

Don’t be afraid to tell your friends and their parents that no, you’re still not dating anyone, but also don’t be afraid to tell them if you are. People who love you are always going to be nosy—they have your best interests at heart and they only get to see you every couple of months—but never feel like you have to have the same experiences as anyone else did.

If you feel like you’re doing everything wrong, you’re probably doing a lot more right than you think. Don’t worry about not always being the top of your class, or not making it to every party; you can’t be the president of every club or organization on campus or everyone’s best friend. But you can do just enough of all of those things to create an awesome new life for yourself.

Oh! And if you don’t have a boyfriend, don’t worry… After all, it’s a brave new world, and tall, good looking SoCal boyfriends come when you least expect them.