Valentine's Day is the time of year where couples celebrate their relationships with flowers, dinners, and chocolates while singles try to hide their relationship status from their parents and society. With Valentine's Day being the death of many single's happiness, I figured bringing up the time I had a near death experience would be a wonderful idea.
This near death experience happened on a date that occurred a long, long time ago with a former boyfriend who shall remain nameless.
This former boyfriend is unknown for many of my friends and even Jesus himself. I don't know why Jesus would not know this guy. Maybe he was busy saving a town from a plague or something.
But, I will say that he was a bit overweight in size based on his above average height.
Anyway, we went on a date and walked around a nearby park where we talked about things we have done over the past few months. At the time, I was going to community college and he was finishing up school in a galaxy far, far, away. He came to Southern California for a break from school and work. Before the incident, we had been dating for a little over five months and it was the first time in a while since I had seen him.
After the walk, we went back to the place he was staying at and we did what any normal couple would do; make out. This was a time when Netflix and chill wasn't really a thing. Plus, what else can a couple do? Talk? Cook? Who has time for that?
I was on top of him during the make out session. Suddenly - out of nowhere - he stopped and asked if he can be on top. He explained to me that he never had a chance to be on top of a woman due to his weight.
As a woman who has above average intelligence, I thought it wouldn't hurt to give it a try. I told him, "Sure. Why not?"
We switched places and continued our make out session.
Unbeknownst of me. I did not realize that since it was his first time being on top of a woman that he would not know that he needed to put some of his own weight on his knees and his arms. As a result, he put his entire weight on me the second he was on top of me.
With his over two hundred pounds on me - weighing only one hundred and something pounds- I knew I was out numbered.
The moment lasted for two minutes. I was nervous that I was going to lose consciousness or worse, die. He did not know what was happening and continued making out with me. Since I did not have enough air to tell him to get off of me, I continued to make out with him, hoping that the nightmare will end.
Believing that death was near, I started to wonder if there was any known deaths in history caused by a boyfriend accidentally suffocating his girlfriend during a make out session. I even started to think about what the people in heaven or wherever I was going would think when they asked about my death. Even the gate keeper would be laughing for days.
Jesus would probably have a running joke about it.
I tried my best to be in the moment but it was a bit difficult trying to focus when you have trouble breathing.
When he stopped making out with me and moved next to me, a sigh of relief and hope appeared right before my eyes.
At that moment, I was thankful for breathing and being alive. I felt I had a second chance in life.
When I said, "Thank God", out loud, my boyfriend asked me what was up. At first, he thought I enjoyed the session and thought he did a good job. When I explained it further about how he was blocking my airway with his weight, his mood changed. He became upset about my comments.
Despite going through hell for him, my former boyfriend told me that I did an okay job. He did not even apologize for almost killing me.
After that night, our relationship never improved and I broke up with him a week later.
Despite almost dying that night, the date taught me a valuable lesson: do not date anyone who will be a butthead towards you. If you can not breath when he is on top of you, he better adjust.
