2018 NBA All-Stars, As Told By '90s Television Characters

2018 NBA All-Stars, As Told By '90s Television Characters

Coach Popovich would love this, or should I say Mr. Ratburn!!!
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LaMarcus Aldridge: Corey "in the House"

After years on top, a multi-decade dynasty of five NBA championships, Tim Duncan, David Robinson, a glorious run, San Antonio is left with LaMarcus Aldridge. Still solid, but man, you miss those old days. That's kind of how "Corey in the House" was after "That's So Raven".

Giannis Antetokounmpo: Jesse Katsopolis

Two Greek Freaks! Uncle Jesse's power is looking like this at 54. Giannis's power is playing like this at 23. Jesse also writes jingles.

Bradley Beal: SpongeBob SquarePants

"Everybody Eats" is his motto for the Washington Wizards. SpongeBob gets this selfless mentality and how it is a success-driver.

Jimmy Butler: Vince LaSalle

Bro, it looks just like him.

Stephen Curry: Mojo Jojo

The powerful bad guy we all love to hate; there wouldn't be a plot without them. Don't forget their co-conspirators Kevin Durant and that cross-dressing lobster.

Anthony Davis: Helga G. Pataki


DeMar DeRozan & Kyle Lowry: CatDog

Hey, it's these two! They got a dope thing going but mostly whatever.

Goran Dragic: Gibby

He lives in Miami, is named Goran Dragic, and is what I would describe as creepy-handsome. Like Gibby, I can't begin to conjure up what his life might be like when he's not on-screen.

Andre Drummond: Ned Bigby

As evidenced by some recent Instagram shade-tossin', Andre's got a hot take for every situation.

Kevin Durant: Angelica Pickles

Though marquee characters, everybody sort of hates Angelica/Durantula because they do shitty things to get what they want. Hate on haters; they basically have final say on all decisions and run the show.

Joel Embiid: Jorgen Von Strangle

Joel is just about as muscly and badass as Jorgen Von Strangle, and also shares his propensity for some silliness.

Paul George: Carlos

Great defender, great shooter–Paul George is one of the best role players in the game. "Magic School Bus" is all about role players. It certainly ain't the Carlos show, but his presence is fucking felt. And imagine how weird it would be with just Miss Frizzle, creepin' around in nostrils and shit.

Draymond Green: Larry Beale

He's a dickhead, just joyfully trolling and fucking up people's days–but also funny, so you sort of like him.

James Harden: He-Man, Eternia's Greatest Champion

The Beard is probably the best player in the NBA right now and for that reason, I am giving him the title of He-Man, Eternia's Greatest Champion, Master of the Universe.

Al Horford: Maurice "Twister" Rodriguez

Kyrie Irving is the "Otto" of the Celtics, but don't sleep on their Twister. Woogitty, Woogitty.

Kyrie Irving: Bill Nye the Science Guy

A love for science unites them! Bill is in the round-Earth camp and Kyrie is in the flat-Earth camp of a debate which will probably never be settled.

LeBron James: Ash Ketchum

He wants to be the very best, like no one ever was, and is still out there traveling across "the Land" to prove that he can be, because no one believes it yet. Jordan baby!

Damien Lillard: Miley Stewart/Hannah Montana

A handful of rap albums in the books, "Dame D.O.L.L.A." is living that best of both worlds life, ya heard?

Victor Oladipo: Stoop Kid

The guy was an Indiana Hoosier and now plays for the Indiana Pacers. There's a lot of world out there Victor! It's almost as if...just kidding, Victor is from Maine and also played for Orlando, so Stoop Kid is still the verified biggest bitch of all time.

Kristaps Porzingis: that Italian guy on a Vespa from the Lizzie McGuire movie

A guy talks a little different and everyone just swoons huh? Well, I got news Lizzie: that handsome head of spaghetti isn't the answer to your coming-of-age problems, and as for you Knicks, you're still awful.

Klay Thompsen: Ed, Edd n Eddy

Too weird looking for me.

Karl-Anthony Towns: Carl Wheezer

CAARRRL!

Russell Westbrook: this guy

I don't even remember what the fuck this is, but Russ dresses pretty zany kind of like him.

Injured Players: Steve from Blue's Clues

REPLACED!

Cover Image Credit: Nickelodeon

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When You Give A Girl A Dad

You give her everything
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They say that any male can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad. That dads are just the people that created the child, so to speak, but rather, dads raise their children to be the best they can be. Further, when you give a little girl a dad, you give her much more than a father; you give her the world in one man.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a rock.

Life is tough, and life is constantly changing directions and route. In a world that's never not moving, a girl needs something stable. She needs something that won't let her be alone; someone that's going to be there when life is going great, and someone who is going to be there for her when life is everything but ideal. Dads don't give up on this daughters, they never will.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a role model.

If we never had someone to look up to, we would never have someone to strive to be. When you give a little girl someone to look up to, you give her someone to be. We copy their mannerisms, we copy their habits, and we copy their work ethic. Little girls need someone to show them the world, so that they can create their own.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her the first boy she will ever love.

And I'm not really sure someone will ever be better than him either. He's the first guy to take your heart, and every person you love after him is just a comparison to his endless, unmatchable love. He shows you your worth, and he shows you what your should be treated like: a princess.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her someone to make proud.

After every softball game, soccer tournament, cheerleading competition, etc., you can find every little girl looking up to their dads for their approval. Later in life, they look to their dad with their grades, internships, and little accomplishments. Dads are the reason we try so hard to be the best we can be. Dads raised us to be the very best at whatever we chose to do, and they were there to support you through everything. They are the hardest critics, but they are always your biggest fans.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a credit card.

It's completely true. Dads are the reason we have the things we have, thank the Lord. He's the best to shop with too, since he usually remains outside the store the entire time till he is summoned in to forge the bill. All seriousness, they always give their little girls more than they give themselves, and that's something we love so much about you.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a shoulder to cry on.

When you fell down and cut yourself, your mom looked at you and told you to suck it up. But your dad, on the other hand, got down on the ground with you, and he let you cry. Then later on, when you made a mistake, or broke up with a boy, or just got sad, he was there to dry your tears and tell you everything was going to be okay, especially when you thought the world was crashing down. He will always be there to tell you everything is going to be okay, even when they don't know if everything is going to be okay. That's his job.


When you give a girl a dad, you give her a lifelong best friend.

My dad was my first best friend, and he will be my last. He's stood by me when times got tough, he carried me when I just couldn't do it anymore, and he yelled at me when I deserved it; but the one thing he has never done was give up on me. He will always be the first person I tell good news to, and the last person I ever want to disappoint. He's everything I could ever want in a best friend and more.


Dads are something out of a fairytale. They are your prince charming, your knight in shinny amour, and your fairy godfather. Dads are the reasons we are the people we are today; something that a million "thank you"' will never be enough for.

Cover Image Credit: tristen duhon

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Why I Love Lebron James As A Person

There's more to Lebron James than basketball.

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While Lebron James is considered to be one of the best athletes ever based on his commitment to excellence, his conditioning, and the number of championships he has won, the impact he has made on his community that is being felt all over the world.

He may be a basketball player, but he is a businessman, father, philanthropist, and role model to people no just in his community but all over the world. This is why Lebron James is one of the greatest people I have ever seen in the world of the NBA.

Since the age of 15, Lebron James has been under the spotlight as "The Chosen One" and struggled through the trials and tribulations growing up in Akron, Ohio. However, he has defied the odds not because of what he does for the NBA in terms of marketing and championships, but what he does for his community and the world.

The Lebron James Foundation has given over 2000 children the opportunity to receive a full education, with the resources of over $41 million that Lebron James has contributed out of his pocket. He is giving children who don't have the resources that other children may have and to make sure they are the best version of themselves in their own way. This is what makes Lebron James "Strive for Greatness" motto mean more to people outside of the NBA. This is a motto that every child all over the world should live by, to be the best version of yourself, and Lebron James is providing the resources to those who may not have them.

Lebron James has provided a lot of happiness and a boost in the economy in the city of Cleveland, playing there for over 10 years. But he did go on national television, had his own special called "The Decision" and said he was going to Miami. This is the only stain that Lebron James has on his career, other than that he has been exceptional. He mostly redeemed himself when he came back to Cleveland and promised them a championship. He delivered on his promise by giving the Cleveland Cavaliers their first-ever championship in 2016.

All of us know that Lebron James left Cleveland last offseason to join the Los Angeles Lakers, but he came back to Akron, Ohio and opened the I Promise School for 240 at-risk children. This school helps give students an escape from their issues that Akron, Ohio is currently facing, and they offer activities to make sure that they don't go down the wrong path. This school also provides services to the families of the children who attend this school such as finding a job and an on-site food bank.

This is why Lebron James is one of the best people in the world because he exudes perfection and he knows where he came from.

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