In grade school, I loved brand names. I loved the way the clothes hugged my skin, the way I looked classy, well-put-together, and lovely. I loved my diamond necklace and my hanging earrings. I loved the way my hair felt when it was curled, and the way it swayed when it was straightened. I loved any attention I received, and I loved feeling powerful — as if my looks could do that for me.
When I came to college, my hair was still dyed, my skin still crispy tan, lashes still curled, and clothes still totally in fashion. The first few months, I constantly took note of the blonde, thin, and beautiful. It felt like years within months of me constantly wishing I looked more like them. Eventually, I became exhausted, I simply couldn't keep up. I was tired of trying so hard, only to beat myself up more. I was the only person telling myself I wasn't good enough, but I had been listening so hard, I didn't have any other truth to cling to.
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of hating myself solely based on my physical appearance. I felt dried up and used, and I realized I had done all of that to myself. So, I threw in the towel. I decided I needed to change before I lost all of the good parts of myself to the toxic environment I had created in my head. I started a journey of change to become my true self.
Fast forward two years, and I have vowed to myself to not dye my hair again, I have vowed that I will keep my room clutter-free and spacious so my mind can breathe, I have vowed that I will never buy any article of clothing that will not serve a good purpose. I no longer paint my nails, and my accessorizing only goes as far as wearing the same necklace over and over again. I fell out of love with the worlds' beauty standards slowly, and then all at once.
I felt like a wave came and swept my body away from society, and into the safety of an ocean of grace. The realization hit that I didn't have to live up to ANY beauty standards or expectations, that I am in college and don't have to try to impress anyone, and that even if I did have to impress someone, I could probably do it with just a kind smile and the nature of my personality. In ceasing to try to look good, I got to expend more energy on feeling good.
I am in no way suggesting that I don't brush my teeth, wash my hair, shave my legs, or wear decent clothing; what I am suggesting is that we can be beautiful naturally. Minimal name-brand clothing in our closet, minimal make up on our soft skin, and minimal worries about what other people think of how we look.
(note: if you have made the choice to not shave, more power to ya.)
I am suggesting that instead of spending an hour in front of the mirror each morning, we could spend that time going for a jog, drinking coffee over a nice book, or perhaps getting a few extra minutes of shut-eye because we deserve to be happy. If make up, designer bags, and accessories are your happy place, I am not shaming you either. But I do want you to ask yourself if these things are your happy place for a healthy reason or if they are simply matter to fill a void?
I am suggesting that we step back, get away from the clutter of materialism, and examine who we are, if that is indeed who we want to be, and if not, I hope we can step even further back and dare to change it. Without the distraction of how you look on the outside, I am suggesting we all begin to look inward and see what others would see if we tore down all of the walls between us and the real world.
Natural beauty is beautiful. A fearless belly laugh is beautiful, as well as a face red from physical exertion, and the cellulite we all carry somewhere on our bodies. I took extreme measures to help my own self get past the world's labels of "beauty", my minimalist lifestyle is definitely not for everyone and I completely respect that, but I hope in some way we can all find our own way to separate ourselves from the society who labels us "not good enough" in any way, whether that be for our physical appearance or for our brains or for our sexual orientation or for our religious backgrounds. I am hoping we can instead become a society full of fearless leaders proud and stable enough to put themselves on pedestals with nothing between their hearts and the rest of the world. I am hoping we can shape the future to look more like self-love that stretches into love for others.
Who knew natural beauty could radiate so far, but I do believe it can. I do believe that one day, it really will.
