Falling Up

It’s a constant feeling,

I’m falling

being pushed down

like an invisible force is saying, NO

I am always falling

like I’m drowning with out the burning sensation in my lungs

the water is cold

like pins splitting my nerves

my hair is damp and covers my face

she likes to hide who I really am

I don’t feel the water rushing into my body

but i feel that pain in my gut

i feel it in my bones

and it makes me feel sick

i am falling and the water around me gets darker and darker

every day it gets colder

it is a never ending trench to hell

i guess thats where she wants to take me

but why does anxiety have to take me too?

i am stuck in this purgatory

i just want this sensation to stop.

So I write- hoping my voice is heard

I paint- hopping my feeling can be expressed.

I look to the people by my side who never left

and I put my trust in them.

Once the pain is gone and I will no longer be scared and this nightmare can be done for. She will no longer control my life and I will get happier every day. I lived with her for far too long before telling someone that she existed.

She was torturous and controlling
She was mean and cruel
She kept me from what I Love most
She was consuming me
She drained me
She is no more
She is anxiety She is Dead.

Somethings in this world you can not do alone and for me this was one of them. I have my family and friends not only at GMU but at VT and NAU(Northern Arizona University) not to thank for overall 'saving' my life but to thank for entering and staying in it too. Life does not fall apart and there are points to everyones. Connecting the points and relating them to another to find your calling is the best felling.

I like to think of my points like destinations on a map and life is just one long-ass road trip that you have to connect the dots and travel to your vacation.