It's no secret how I feel about this upcoming election. Both candidates are equally not my first choice. After watching the debates and listening to Donald Trump's recent declaration about how much he loves women —so much so that'd he'd like to sexually assault them — I am 100 percent sure, no scratch that 1000 percent sure that there is a plethora of more suitable candidates than he is. I'm beginning to think that Trump was never intended to be a serious presidential contender to begin with but rather used as a pawn or a distraction. That's just my personal theory however, if he were to withdraw from the race here are a few suggestions that I think would make way more suitable candidates than Donald Trump:
15. Tony the Tiger
Because he's grrreat!
14. A tangerine
Unlike Trump, it can actually pull off the color orange.
13. Ivanka Trump
She could actually have a promising political career. But then again that means we'd also probably have to see more of not just her father, but Eric and Donald Jr. as well and let's be real, those two make us all feel like we're in the middle of The Purge.
12. Kanye West
Sure the state dinners would be an over-the-top display of opulence filled with pointless rants about how much Kanye loves himself, but again, at least he's not Donald Trump. Not to mention the inauguration would be live af.
11. The PB&J sandwich I'm eating while writing this
10. Pharrell's Hat
That hat would look hella good on the campaign trail and you know it.
9. Any Kardashian/Jenner (except Kim)
Sorry Kim but I can't take the chance of you accidentally sending us into war because you thought Kim Jong-un was the new Snapchat filter based on yourself.
8. Spongebob Squarepants
♪♪ F is for friends who do stuff together. U is for u and me. N is for numbskull and nincompoop which is what we'll have with a Trump presidency. ♪♪
7. The lady who took my order at Taco Bell earlier
She seemed legit and there will indeed be taco trucks on every corner. Tacos and chalupas for us all!
6. Binya Binya Pollywog
We all know the Gullah Gullah Island theme song used to be the hottest track back in the day. Don't lie, you know you used to turn up to that.
5. Ren and/or Stimpy
4. My general manager at Chili's
Who oddly refers to himself as "The General" anyways. Hey if you can run a restaurant why can't you run a country too.
3. Kenan & Kel
This country needs laughter and who better to bring it to us than these two? Plus I'm totally down to have orange soda as a national beverage.
2. A fart
Because just like the Donald, it too is like shit mixed with 'I'll be damned.'
No explanation needed.