A few nights ago, my brother and I were driving home. He’s almost 17 and about to be a junior in high school, so the subject of college is one that often comes up, and this night, it did. I think the conversation flowed something like this: I was talking about how I’m still trying to achieve a balance in college, and that I spend an incredible amount of time on academics and studying.

Now, side note, my brother and I are quite different students. We both get great grades, but the way we go about it could not be more opposite. I am a workhorse. I exhaust my resources when studying, review things until every little fact is second nature and won’t settle for less than a grade that I know I am capable of. On the other hand, my brother is a strategic, logical studier. If he has an algebra test, he will briefly review the study guide, and if he knows that he is already comfortable with all of the topics on there, he calls it a night (and walks out of the test with a 98, might I add). I wish I were more like him in this sense. I would save myself a whole lot of time.

Anyway, when I started talking about the number of hours I dedicate to school work, he said, “I know. You kill yourself,” to which I responded,

“I just want to be successful.”

He said, “I know that, but what’s the point of being successful if you are constantly stressed out? If you are stressed out all the time, is all the hard work even worth it?”

I started to wonder, and then he continued.

“When I was little, I wanted to be a business mogul (yes, he actually used that word). I wanted to make millions of dollars and be this huge success story. But I realized how much better of a life I would have if I had a job that was more laid back.”

Wow. This was coming from a kid who was only half way through high school. So, I kept listening. Basically, his point was that so many people work so incredibly hard to achieve successes to impress others. So many people work tirelessly so that other people think that they are amazing. And at what cost? A whole life of stress, worry, unhappiness and wasted time? What he said next was the kicker:

“Think about it. You work so hard, make all this money, are constantly stressed and unhappy, and someone hears your name and all of the things that you have done. You know what that person will do? Say, ‘Wow,’ and continue on with his or her day. I think we think people think about us a lot more than they actually do.”

Oh my goodness. My 16-year-old brother unknowingly just taught me the biggest lesson I’ve received in a long time. I realize that it’s clichéd to say that we are too caught up in what others think about us, and that it’s said so often that it has lost its true meaning. So many humans have these jobs and live these lives so that when other people hear their names, people are astounded by their accomplishments, their money, their ability to balance family and work, blah, blah, blah. But let’s take a minute to think about this here. People just don’t spend time thinking about how impressive you are. They just don’t. They have busy lives too, trying to do the same thing you are: working hard to be “impressive.” Like my brother said, they might hear about your accomplishments, say “Wow,” and move on.

So I started to think about the career path that I am on, one to become a doctor. I thought, if nobody found being a doctor impressive, would I still do it? The answer is yes. If nobody ever thought it was amazing that I had worked for years to become a medical doctor, I would still do it. Science and medicine are what make my heart happy. I daydream about what my first class in med school will be like. Being a doctor is what I dream about at night. Literally. So, I think I’ll continue.

But, I think I’m going to continue with a different state of mind. Rather than creating stress that takes me over, and rather than dreading organic chemistry, I’m going to study and work hard for me because I know medicine is what I love. It’s what I want to do, not what anyone else wants me to do. Instead of working myself so hard that I can’t enjoy my favorite subject anymore, I’m going to welcome the work with open arms, do my best, have fun with it, and go from there. After all, I’m working toward the life that will make me the happiest and impress me, so why not enjoy the journey? (Because it sure is a long one.)

But I really want to pose a few questions here. What makes your heart happy? What would you do with your life if you knew nobody would find anything you do impressive? What would you do if you knew that everyone who heard of your accomplishments would say, “wow,” and move right along? Because chances are, that is what they are going to do. If the only thing that makes you smile when it comes to your career is when people tell you how impressive your work is or how talented you are, you need to make a change.

So, do something with your life that makes you stop searching for external validation, because searching for external validation only leads to more self-doubt, and to the dependence on others to make you feel like your life is going the way it should (take if from the girl that searched for external validation for far too long). Live up to your own standards. Live for you. Work for you. Make your heart happy. Blow your own mind with the things you do. Inspire people with your infectious happiness. Because what’s actually impressive? Someone who can sit in silence and think, “I am fulfilled and I am happy, and I don’t need anyone to tell me so to believe it.”