Dear You,

I don’t know where you are right now, or what stage in life you’re in, or if you’ve even realized what you want to do with your life. If fact, I honestly don’t have any of the big answers so many people strive to come to. Instead, I have some advice. I know that you have had your battles, and a lot of you may have a battle going on right now. I also know that telling you “It’ll all be fine. Things could be a lot worse…” is the LAST thing you need to hear. I’m here to give you a few pieces of advice, as well as some facts that aren’t said enough.

1. Sometimes, life just gets you down. It isn’t always a nice world, and often times the least deserving people are the ones to take the brunt of it. Here’s the thing: through adversity, I have learned that in the moment, it is awful, but at the end, you can smile at two things: you survived the storm, and you can learn from it. In the middle of a rainstorm, all you really think about is getting to a safe and dry area. That’s what you need to do in your life’s storm. Just take care of yourself. Do what is going to ease the pressure mounding in your heart. Just embrace the smallest of moments where the rain eases up (for now). If you can’t think of anything else but the dark cloud and rain soaking every inch of you, then just think of this: “Right at this moment, I am going to do “x” and see if that helps, and if it does, I learned a little more about myself. If it doesn’t work, well, I know not to do it again; I’ll try something else.”
2. The definition of success through the status quo is NOT the only way to “succeed.” For young adults today, the ideal vision of a successful person is one that shows a student who is in, or has already completed college. One that is doing business, or law, or medicine, or something that will make you money. THIS ISN’T WHAT LIFE IS ABOUT!! You know how you can tell if you’re on the right track? You are on the right track if you are studying or doing whatever it is that you are interested in. If this is college, then great. If it’s the military, or a continuing a trade, or just doing some self-exploration to see where your place and interests are in the world, then that’s great too! If you are the poster child for “success” and enjoy that, then you are on the right track, but if you’re just going with the motions, and pushing yourself to get through another day, because this is just “what I have to do” then no, you are not successful. You are compromising your happiness, and failing yourself, something that you never deserve.
3. Your friends and loved ones are SO much more important and imperative in your life than you think. Your best friend that you can’t stop smiling with, the mom or dad or grandma or cousin, whoever it may be that you just couldn’t imagine your life without, let them know. Write them a letter, shoot them a text, or just say, “You are awesome.” I know that life is busy and stops for no one, but guess what? At the end of the day, you are going to have decide if you’d rather sit with all of your accomplishments, stresses, failures… Anything by yourself, or with the people that add true meaning to your life.
4. You are currently in one of the most difficult, frustrating, liberating, terrifying times in your life. This is the time in your life that you begin to really define yourself, your purpose, you as a person. You’re beginning to separate from your parents, creating a sense of independence that you fear and embrace all at once. Don’t become frustrated when people say, “These are the best times of your life!” Guess what? THEY’RE NOT (for A LOT of people). There’s a good chance that you don’t know what you want, what lights your fire, and really what makes you, you. This is normal. Don’t beat yourself up when you don’t know what you want or who you are. You’ll figure it out, eventually. Try new things, do some self-reflecting, ask for help, and go with it. When you stop searching, sometimes the answer comes on its own.
5. You are going to make mistakes. There are going to be some little ones, there will be larger ones, and there may be some really BIG mess-ups. Everyone has them. No one, and I mean no one, despite what you might think, has a life in which they regret nothing. Each and every person reading this has their regrets that they wish could be edited out. The important thing to remember is that torturing yourself for your mistakes is the most detrimental screw up you can make. When you dwell on yourself and say, “Why did I do that? If only I could redo that one time. I can’t believe I screwed up this badly. This is unforgivable/unfixable/defining of my worth,” you’re taking away from yourself, prohibiting forgiveness and chances to grow from the moments that don’t “shine so bright.” Don’t ask yourself anymore “How I could be so stupid??” Ask instead, “How can I go on from this to create an image I like to see in the mirror?”
6. You are a young adult. Everyone, not just you, have different stories, traumas, defenses, and resiliences. Often times, our elders are left with a dull jealousy of our complete freedom, all while we may be feeling a sharp pain in response to the crushing amount of expectations and judgments that our placed on us by others AND ourselves. All this being said, YOU ARE ENOUGH! WHO YOU ARE IS ENOUGH! Try, study, reach out to others, create, learn, laugh, but ultimately, who you are is enough and you deserve love even though you are human and flawed.