Mental illness is real. Mental illness is not something someone can just “get over.” Yes, our actions might be considered an “overreaction” to someone that has a healthy brain, but we truly can’t help it because our brain is, in fact, not healthy. Now, I am not sitting here looking for excuses to explain any poor actions that I’ve engaged in. I am simply here to exclaim that Mental illness is a bitch and makes us sometimes do “crazy” things.
There have been nights where I’ve been curled up in a ball, rocking back and forth, with the marks of a million tears on my face, begging for it all to just end. All because of something minuscule, like a silly argument with a loved one. To eventually get to a point down the road where I look back and find these episodes honestly ridiculous.
I have shut and locked my bedroom door, pretending to go to sleep. But what no one notices, is the steak knife I hid up my sleeve. There have been nights where I’ve carved into my arms like pumpkins on Halloween. The worst part is the bittersweet feelings of relief and guilt when it’s over. The cutting itself is like an emotional release as well as a form of self-punishment. But then I get feelings of immediate guilt and regret. I feel so disappointed in myself for doing this again because I know it’s wrong! Great! Now I broke my self-harm sobriety and, lastly, how in the world do I explain these scars?! So, I cut again because I’m mad at myself. We go through these sick cycles. Our minds tell us this is okay.
I have sat in a psychiatric clinic for days upon days, crying and begging to be released. Sitting with people that deserve to be there. Me, though? I’m okay. These thoughts are normal. These actions are normal. I am normal. I shouldn’t be in a clinic, that’s for crazy people. At least, that’s what everyone seems to believe.
I have felt alone in a room full of people. You see, when you are at your lowest, all you can see is the bad. The mean things people have said to you. The relationships that didn’t or aren’t working out. The tests you’ve failed. The things about you that you despise. You dwell on everything and, thus, it all consumes you. There begins to be no light in your life. Your friends could literally shout their love for you right to your face, but all you can is see an enemy. That’s when your mental illness forces you to push everyone you love away. Your mind tells you, “these people only want to hurt you…” And you listen.
Nobody can keep with the mood swings. “She’s crying again.” “How do you have all this energy?” “Calm down!” Some days you feel on top of the world. Nothing can stop you! You don’t understand how you could ever be sad! Then some days you can’t get out of bed, where eating and showering are considered being productive. You just simply can’t face the world. But people don’t understand it because “your life isn’t that hard!”
My mind plays tricks on me. It makes me think and do things that are not okay and definitely not healthy. I have lashed out on people I care about, with no good reason. I have harmed myself physically and mentally. I am my own worst critic and the cruelest bully to ever call me names. I have isolated myself to believe there is no good in this world, and the last thing the world wants? Me living in it.
There has become a stigma associated with mental illness. Many people believe that it is not real and think the whole concept to be absurd. I’ve even heard theories that they were created by the government to prescribe more medications for more profit: just another form of brainwashing. This, however, is not true. Studies show that the brain scans of someone who is mentally ill compared with those of a healthy brain are noticeably different. The chemical balance and neuron functioning of the brains are distinctly different in comparing healthy and unhealthy (those diagnosed with a mental illness) brains.
Just like any organ or part of the body, when it gets sick it needs to be treated. For instance, when you have asthma, your lungs don’t work properly. Therefore, you need to use an inhaler (the treatment) and you modify your lifestyle to avoid provoking your asthma (coping). The same goes for your mental illness. You might be prescribed medication, as an additional treatment, but counseling is necessary. Then you are given coping skills to help appropriately combat your illness; you must find a way to live with it successfully. Each day is different and you need to take it one day at a time; moment by moment if necessary.
Help is available. If there is one thing that we all need to understand, it is that you are not alone. In 2014, Newsweek published a study that stated, “Every year, about 42.5 million American adults suffer from some mental illness, enduring conditions such as depression, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.” This is an epidemic that everyone needs to recognize, whether it be believing the reality of it or the belief that it is an unacceptable way to live your life. Mental illness is as real as a broken arm. If I’m completely honest, I’d much rather have a broken arm.
Here are some sites that might be beneficial to those wanting to learn more about mental illness or those suffering.
